After yesterday's game I was thinking I might not get the chance to use that headline, and that would have been a real shame.

We were planning to go to today's game, but after Jon got a wild hair up his butt to see the 11 p.m. showing of Episode III last night, there was just no way we would have made it all the way to Cincy this morning conscious. Instead, we hit upon the brilliant idea to catch the Louisville Bats play the Indianapolis Indians at Victory Field in Indianapolis tomorrow. Not only are they playing at night so we'll be able to head down there as soon as the Reds' game is over, but we'll also get to see Wily Mo Peña play, AND it's $1 hot dog day!

What more could you want in life?

If you haven't been over to see Joel's latest bid for the Reds' Funniest Blogger Award, go check it out. After today's game, we can already see that Brandon Claussen's bionic arm is performing even better than expected.

There are lots of things that men do, like insisting they're OK to play when they're so severely injured that their tendons are flopping around to the rhythm of S.O.S. signals, that I don't understand. Why is it a better thing to play hurt than to heal up, when the latter will actually help the team win, which is supposedly your goal? For the half of the population that likes to consider itself superiorly logical, that reasoning just doesn't follow.

Similarly, there's something that women do that I imagine most of you men out there don't really get: relive the birth of their children on their birthdays. You guys gotta appreciate that this is a pretty profound event for us, sort of like winning the World Series might be for you. And since my story has a Reds tie-in, you'll have to bear with me through it. Don't worry: it won't take seven games to finish this drama.

Around this time four years ago, I was pacing around, wondering what to do. My water had broken at 9 p.m. the night before, but contractions hadn't started so I hadn't gone to the hospital. Instead, I'd gone to bed, figuring my body would wake me up when it was time, but apparently Winter wasn't in any hurry.

I finally went in to the hospital around 11 a.m. I wasn't due for 13 more days, so my OB had scheduled the holiday weekend off, and the OB on-call was a germ-phobe (which I guess isn't a bad thing for a doctor to be). They hooked me up to an IV of pitocin and left me in a room to pass the time. The average length for first labor is 24 hours, so it was looking like Winter would be born about lunchtime the next day.

We put in a movie and gentle contractions started going. Once or twice an hour a nurse would pop in and up the level of pitocin, but no one ever checked my dilation because the doctor was afraid it would introduce germs.

By the end of the movie, around 12:30 p.m., I was definitely feeling the contractions. The nurses would smile knowingly, bump up the pitocin, and leave. It was Memorial Day and the Reds were playing a day game, so we turned it on to burn through some of the 22 1/2 hours we thought we had left.

At this point, I had been following the Reds only about a year, and I was still learning the fine intricacies of the game, such as the rules, so it took a considerable amount of concentration to follow the action. It wasn't so hard at first: I had a fairly coherent stream of what was going on, interrupted about once an inning by a spike of painful distraction.

And the nurses would smile knowingly, bump up the pitocin, and leave.

Slowly, the innings crept by. Soon, I was missing two outs to the anxious demands of contraction pain. Soon, I couldn't get through an at-bat. Soon, in a brief moment of coherence between the contractions, I notice that the game is on. “Isn't this damn game over yet?” I growl to Jon. How was I ever going to make it to tomorrow?

A nurse came in to smile knowingly and bump up the pitocin, and I asked her to check my dilation. “The doctor doesn't want us to introduce germs,” she smiled knowingly.

“How will I make (pause for breath) a decision about (pause for breath) pain killer if you don't (pause for breath) check?” I demanded. The nurse looked torn for a moment: conventional wisdom said that I wouldn't be ready to go until tomorrow and introducing an infection could lead to serious complications, but she could see I was in agony.

She finally relented and checked my dilation. The knowing smile fell from her face, replaced by wide eyes. “I'd better go get the doctor,” she said as she ran from the room. Jon turned off the game that was still going on.

By the time the doctor got into the room, washed up, and checked my dilation for himself, I was at nine centimeters, just one centimeter away from being able to push. Two more agonizing contractions and I was ready for agonizing pushing. Several pushes, several small rips to my flesh, and several frenzied thoughts about how I-was-not-old-enough-to-be-doing-this later, I lay exhausted, receiving a handful of the most painful stitches ever given and looking over at the angelic little fella getting cleaned up and checked out by Jon and the nursing staff a few feet away. It was 5:15 p.m.

I found out later that the game had into 13 innings. No wonder it seemed like it went on forever. I just looked up a story on the game: the Cardinals were on top, the Reds were on the bottom, and Danny Graves gave up the winning run to Chicago who ended up taking the game 9-6. A lot is different now, most relevantly to this story Winter, who has transformed from a wriggling bundle of reflexes to the kid who just climbed up on my lap and asked me to read him the game wrap from The Enquirer and announced that he wants to go to a baseball game.

Let's see if we can get him a win today. Go Reds!

I told you the Reds could take these guys, even if it was a bit of a wild ride to get there. I'm tired of writing bullet points; let's see whether I can stitch together some paragraphs into a proper game wrap.

Each team started the game with three pretty boring, scoreless innings. The Pirates got the offense started in the fourth when Rob “Better Just Copy and Paste My Name from GameDay” Mackowiak hit a three-run homerun. The Reds put a run up on the board in the bottom of the fourth when Felipe “Red Hot” Lopez doubled, advanced to third on a passed ball, and was knocked in on a single by Ken “Born Hall of Famer” Griffey, Jr.

The Reds pulled to within a run in the fifth inning when Javy “Latin Love Machine” Valentín hit his first homerun of the year. Valentín enjoyed two RBI on two hits tonight.

Adam “Now Where Am I Supposed to Sit?” Dunn tied up the game with a solo shot in the sixth. He was followed by Joe “Should Have Named My Daughter Amanda” Randa who got aboard with a double to be knocked in by Jacob “What Did I Do To Sit So Long?” Cruz who, in turn was knocked in by Valentín to give the Reds a 5-3 lead.

Kent “6 runs on 7 hits is NOT brilliant” Mercker came in to relieve “Is That An Earthquake? No, It's Ramón” Ortíz. Ortíz turned in a quality start allowing three runs over six and a third innings. Mercker allowed no runs over the seventh and eighth innings.

Ryan “This Was Easier When I Thought Graves Was Untouchable” Wagner built some character in the ninth when he gave up two runs: one of his own, one thanks to a crazy-wild throw not-quite-to-first by Ryan “Boom Goes the Dynamite” Freel. Wagner got the blown save as the score went 5-5.

In the bottom of the ninth, Jason “I'm Really Not So Bad” Romano doubled and Freel moved him to third on an infield single. Lopez surprised the crowd by bucking conventional Reds' wisdom and making contact to bring in the game-winning run.

Reds win over the Pirates, 6-5. Tomorrow, Eric “Please Don't Make An Example Of Me, Too” Milton takes the mound to try to start another Reds winning streak. Go Reds!

This is exciting; we got a laptop this week so tonight, for the first time this season, I have a computer in the same room as a television. Finally, I can keep electronic notes as I watch. Or rather, I could if our satellite signal weren't completely screwed. So actually I'm mostly keeping electronic notes as I listen to the radio.

But I am in the same room as the television, demmit.

Running list of what I thought was worthy of note:

• I'm sure I'm not the first to point out that this line-up bites hard, even considering what they have to work with tonight. For the uninitiated, it goes:
  1. Freel
  2. Bergolla
  3. F. Lopez
  4. Kearns
  5. Dunn
  6. L. Lopez
  7. Romano
  8. Valentín
  9. pitcher

  Remember that game on The Price is Right where you put prices with prizes, they tell you how many you have right, and then you try to fix the rest? Well, Miley, you've got three: go try again.

• As Miley says, it all starts with the guy who starts pitching, and Ramirez didn't start it off so great. Two and two-thirds innings and six runs. Ouch. I think that ice in his veins melted and watered him down some.
• Felipe Lopez hit a solo shot right off the bat in the first inning. Rich Aurilia can come back any time now, and the amount of terror I have that they're going to plug him back in at shortstop tells me that I'm now officially, 100% on the Felipe Lopez bandwagon. I'm going to have to find something with his name on it next time we're at the stadium. Then I'll update his profile to say that wearing number 2 tells the world that you're Red Hot.
• I'm nearly positive that between at-bats in the second inning and the fourth inning, Jason Romano shaved. Every little bit helps I guess: he got a hit in the fourth and another in the ninth.
• Jack Wilson is one freaky-lookin' dude.

Reds lose 8-4. That was disappointing, but it wasn't a loss that left me feeling like we're back to square one or anything. I think Ortiz and more of the regular line-up can take these guys tomorrow.

I'll have my laptop ready.

CINCINNATI, OH -- Adam Dunn's massage chair that had been removed from the clubhouse was returned to its spot today with a note of apology for the inconvenience.

Manager Dave Miley's removal of the chair from the clubhouse on Tuesday was a remarkably literal demonstration of the management's current message to players: don't get too comfortable. However, after concerns surfaced that Dunn wouldn't want to sign with the Reds because they took his chair, it was immediately returned.

“Things were a little too easy going around here for a while,” said Miley, “But Dunner's been strong all season so there's no reason for him not to lie about a little.”

Dunn, for one, was pleased to have the “poor little guy” back.

“I talked to the chair, and he said they treated him OK during his capture,” Dunn laughed, “Seriously, though, I'm glad to see that the organization is willing to coddle me. I don't think that anyone would want a career with a club that asks them not to have indulgent luxury items while the team is sinking like a stone.”

Casey Visits List Server
Sean Casey, who has been widely criticized for voicing his displeasure over the release of long-time friend Danny Graves, found a venue to express his frustration today when he logged on to Redzone.com.

“Folks seemed to think I should be happy to see my buddy fired or something,” said Casey, “But on-line I can complain about it as much as I want, everyone bitches about everything. It's sort of encouraged.”