ST LOUIS, MO -- After pushing down and sitting on Cardinals' reliever Ray King today, Adam Dunn called King “comfy” and had him sent to Cincinnati to replace his old massage chair.

Dunn originally intended to sit on King as an act of retribution for King's collision with Austin Kearns in May of 2003. The collision at home plate caused Kearns a torn labrum and rotator cuff, injuries that started a long series of health problems that have shelved the highly anticipated outfielder for the better part of two years.

However, the sitting upon turned from vengeful to cozy when Dunn realized how similar to an overstuffed armchair King actually is.

“He's soft and kind of bouncy,” explained Dunn. “And if you get him laughing, it's sort of like the vibrating chair was.”

But what of the long awaited retribution for injuring Kearns?

“We'll just have to destroy the Cards tonight for that,” said Dunn.