Things you're least likely to see in the Reds coverage in the morning:

Holbert Attacks Elderly Lady In Store
Says He Couldn't Keep Waiting For Her To Find Her Coupons

Can Library Work Be Far Behind?
Freel Swears Off Stealing Bases As Injury Concerns Mount

Lindner Calls Aurilia, But No Trade
Aurilia: 'He Asked If My Refrigerator Was Running'

Hudson Not Long In The Face
Reds Starter Pitches Strong Through Seven, Walks None, Strikes Out Five

Oh, wait…