Monthly Archives: August 2005

August 27, 2005

I Didn’t Even Have To Use My AK

Reasons why today is a great day:

  • I got to sleep in.
  • I won box seats for the Indianapolis Indians' game of my choice from a local radio station, and the Bats are coming to town next weekend.
  • We went out to lunch at the new Chinese buffet in town and, according to my fortune, my investments will soon be paying off.
  • While Jon and I were driving, we passed the couple who had been our best friends until suddenly, just over a year ago, they turned on us without explanation and got me fired from my job. Flipping them off was exquisite.

How could things get better?

Jon's high school reunion is tonight, and since we went to the same high school, I'll be seeing a lot of people who were jerks to me back in the day. Plus, the Reds play in less than an hour. Really, there's lots of potential on both fronts.

Go Reds!

August 26, 2005

Teammates Spare Holbert Jabs Over First Hit

PITTSBURGH, PA -- Aaron Holbert, the 32-year old who took Ryan Freel's place on the Cincinnati roster last week when Freel went on the disabled list, got his first major league hit tonight at the Pirates' PNC Park.

imageThe Reds were quick to retrieve the ball on Holbert's behalf. The bench wanted to make sure he had the souvenir, but they also apparently needed the ball to prove to Holbert that the hit had finally happened.

“At his age, sometimes he doesn't remember things,” explained Reds third-baseman Edwin Encarnación.

Holbert recently became the Reds' hottest human-interest feature when he was called up nine-and-a-half years after his only previous major league stint. Holbert has been the poster child for patience and perseverance and an inspiration for his teammates.

“Yeah, Pops is really an inspiration,” said right fielder Austin Kearns. “It just goes to show that if you wait around long enough, and play on bad enough minor league teams, someone's bound to feel sorry for you eventually.”

Another noteworthy hit in tonight's game came from Aaron Harang, who broke an 0-for-49 hit draught when he singled in Adam Dunn to score the first run of the game.

“So many people made this big deal about me not getting a hit,” said Harang. “But it's not like it took me 32 years or anything. Besides I'm a pitcher. It's not like I'm a pinch hitter going up there.”

Does a guy who doesn't get his first major league hit until he's 32 get a hard time from his teammates after the game?

“Of course not,” said center fielder Ken Griffey, Jr. as he walked past carrying a dozen eggs, a can of shaving cream, and a large wooden spoon. “We'll just say congratulations and politely ask him not to wait so long for the next one.”

August 25, 2005

Screenshots of Little Consequence

I haven't the time tonight to write up anything properly humorous; however, I did take a couple screenshots today that amused me, so I thought I'd share.

Return of a Former Team
Along the same lines as that Return of a Former Red post over at RLN, this story in the Enquirer resurrects a team now gone.

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Cruz, How Could You?
This shot from the Gameday had me wondering whether the Reds had pulled that trading-a-guy-in-the-middle-of-a-game trick. Those would be Bowden-caliber shenanigans, for sure.
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August 24, 2005

Reds Least Likely Headlines, pt 2

Things you're least likely to see in the Reds coverage in the morning:

Casey: “…”
Reds First Baseman Struck Dumb

A Dose Of Reality. And Brigitte.
Fear Factor Falls Through, Standridge To Appear On The Surreal Life

Reds, Nationals Brawl
Lopez Tackles Larkin, Says Larkin Abandoned Him

Ortiz Searches For Winning Record, Finds Futility
Reds Starter Holds Nats to Two Runs; Gets Loss

Um, yeah.

August 23, 2005

Reds Least Likely Headlines

Things you're least likely to see in the Reds coverage in the morning:

Holbert Attacks Elderly Lady In Store
Says He Couldn't Keep Waiting For Her To Find Her Coupons

Can Library Work Be Far Behind?
Freel Swears Off Stealing Bases As Injury Concerns Mount

Lindner Calls Aurilia, But No Trade
Aurilia: 'He Asked If My Refrigerator Was Running'

Hudson Not Long In The Face
Reds Starter Pitches Strong Through Seven, Walks None, Strikes Out Five

Oh, wait…