October 1, 2005
Fun With Mean-Spirited Headlines
By
Amanda
Posted at 11:13 am
Image via JD
I woke up this morning and thought to myself, “Self, if there's one thing I haven't done enough of this season, it's cruelly make fun of the hair, clothes, and spelling ability of Cardinals' fans.” How fortuitous that I should then come across this particular photo on Red Reporter.
Possible headlines that come immediately to mind:
- St. Louis Eighth Grader to Compete in National Spelling Bee
- Brian Morans Makes Embarrassing Spelling Mistake
- Missouri Suffers Shortage of 'Mustache Rides 10¢' T-Shirts
I feel bad about myself. He's probably a real nice, hard-working guy. But the smack must be talked!
Yes, they are mature enough to know that winning is the best revenge. Ask Carlos Zambrano.
I’m thinkin’ I’m having another beer. The only thing I was going to do this afteroon is buy a lottery ticket. And I can walk to the store to do that.
In that case, the Red Sox may have their revenge yet.
Drink up. And I believe I still have a Would You Rather question open up there somewhere…
So you have a beverage, a cartoon character, an arctic explorer, and a signer of the Declaration of Independence in your pen. That’s quite distinguished.
I said I’d rather see Pujols die than go to the Cubs. What about my Dunn question?
Well, if you can’t have actual pitchers, at least get an interesting variety of characters.
I’ll repost:
Well, that one’s obvious. I couldn’t give less of a crap about homeruns. Some doubles out of Dunn would be fantastic.
I don’t think you get to avoid the question by having Pujols die. But let’s say he does. Would you rather:
A) Have it be so inspiring to Chicago that they take the division
or
B) Have it be so devastating to St. Louis that they crumble and finish last
Ok, my bad, I missed it.
See, I can’t answer that because
A) St. Louis would never trade him to Chicago
and
B) He’d never sign there as a free agent
He’s been indoctrinated. He hates the Cubs. And Albert will not die. Ever. He’s immortal.
Come on, Dunn. Prove me wrong about you.
sigh
Phew. Dunn picked the right true outcome.
Typical. As high as that guy’s numbers are, it’s hard to actually remember him doing anything good.
At least I’ll push the memory of this game from my mind with the Purdue/Notre Dame football game (go Boilers!).
We’re likely to see more of the same tomorrow. I’ll be thinking up Would You Rathers.
Good luck on the lottery. If you win big, remember us little people.
Oh, yeah, I’ll pay for your hosting. No worries.
My grandfather went to Purdue, so if I care about football, I’d root with you.
I will also be thinking of Would You Rathers. Maybe we could play Hangman or something less creative; it’ll be very early for me.