Anthony Castrovince, writer for mlb.com, posted an interview with the Mr. Javier Valentín and didn't even ask him how it felt to be known far and wide as The Latin Love Machine.

But we know all about his first car. Woo. Seriously, these interviews are like the Seven Stupid Questions, only without the benefit of rhyming words. Fortunately, Javy volunteered some actually interesting information. I guess it's worth a read.

In news unrelated to my intense jealousy, fake news tonight! You're going to love it! Well, maybe you won't love it, but I'm going to laugh my ass off. Plus, one more big RHM announcement this evening. Stay tuned.