I’m one of the few people non-plussed by Dunn, but certainly even I can pull together some bullets. Adam Dunn to me:

• Seems like he might behave like a very, very large 14-year old.
• Might be the kind of guy who chose the number 44 because that is the number of letters in his first and last name.
• Looks sort of like one of those hobos who stows away on trains with his earthly belongings tied up in a handkerchief on the end of a stick and a bottle of whisky in a brown paper bag. But only on days that he doesn’t shave.
• Looks sort of like Will Ferrell the rest of the days.
• Is the one Red whose vibe I jibe with the least, or so I thought until I found the Love Match on CelebMatch.com (link below). According to the very scientific looking graph it provided, he and I are, in fact, 98% compatible. 100% physically. Hubba hubba.