Man, I'm bored. Are you bored? I'm bored.

I was briefly not bored yesterday when I saw that the spring training schedule is now available, but it didn't last. I tried to be interested in this Burns character the Reds picked up off waivers from the Astros, but I just can't. I wanted to make some genius observation about the piddling movement on the 40-man roster, but I lack the attention span.

About the only Reds-related thing that has held my attention over the last week has been this interview with Austin Kearns.

Who was the biggest influence on your life, outside of your parents?

Probably just a couple of my best friends, as far as always being themselves. It's not like anybody's got a big head or anything. It's just people who keep me grounded. I've got two best friends back home, Chris and Jared, who I hang out with all the time.

Interesting that he mentions two of his other friends by name, but not Dunn. In fact, he doesn't mention Dunn in the entire interview. Huh.

If you could have dinner with any celebrity, who would it be and why?

Golly, that gives you some possibilities right there! I've got to think of some chicks! I'm trying to think who the best one going is. If I had to pick a dude, I'd probably say Brett Favre. But if it's a female, hmm. … Let me think about that. There's so many.

Kearns says “Golly”?

He eventually settled on Angelina Jolie, so this seems like a pertinent time to mention that I look just like Angelina Jolie, only I'm not flat-chested. In fact, the paparazzi are constantly running up to me in the street yelling “Angelina! Who did your boobs?” No really.

What's your biggest pet peeve?

People being late. I like to be on time. I don't like having to wait.

Me too. I hate to wait. I wish the Reds would hurry up and do something interesting.

Man, I'm bored.