You could be my boyfriend; you surely can,
just let me quit my boyfriend called Superman.
I said “He's a fairy, I do suppose
flyin' through the air in pantyhose.
He may be very sexy or even cute,
but he looks like a sucker in a blue and red suit.

Things are not always as they seem. Just as the Sugar Hill Gang reminds us that even a superhero can look like a sucker, we must remember that even a team as disappointing as the 2005 Reds can still provide things to feel positive about. With that in mind, I'm pleased to present

The Red Hot Mama Awards for 2005

Adam Dunn - Most Talked About Award
Debate whether he's a good player. Debate whether he's good for the team. Debate whether he's going to jump ship and run to Texas at his first possible opportunity. About the only thing you cannot debate about Adam Dunn is that he's the single-most debated Red this year. Even here on Red Hot Mama, where we have not yet begun attending worship services at the Church of Dunn, he's been the topic of a hefty chunk of the posts.

Ken Griffey, Jr. - Most Awards Award
After a string of unsatisfying years, Ken Griffey, Jr pulled together a year of epic proportions. He looked like a 25-year old on the field. He demonstrated the character and leadership off the field. He's quiet, friendly, personable, down-to-earth, and richer than your wildest dreams.

Junior needs to consider getting some vices pretty quick, to give him some more stuff to overcome and be perfect at.

Felipe Lopez - Potential Realized Award
The 2005 Reds didn't see a whole lot of their potential realized, but Felipe Lopez showed up one day and started demonstrating all the awesomeness that the scouts said he had all along. How'd Felipe do it? I dunno. But if he wanted to go rub up against the bullpen for a while, I doubt anyone would complain.

Allan Simpson - Opie Lookalike Award
If there's anything more intimidating to hitters than a guy with questionable control throwing 98 mph in their direction, it's a guy with questionable control throwing 98 mph in their direction whom you expect to pick up his fishin' pole and start whining to his Paw.
Honorable Mention: Todd Coffey

Ryan Freel - Best Screw-Ups Award
Whether it's a DUI or an ill-advised attempt to steal home, you can count on Ryan Freel to bounce back from any gaffe and charge head-long into the next situation without the slightest hint of hesitation. Freel demonstrates that if you aren't messing up in new and interesting ways on a regular basis, you just aren't trying hard enough.

Eric Milton - Biggest Opportunity for Improvement Award
Saying Eric Milton was a bust in 2005 would be like saying the ocean is real deep in some spots. Milton defined bust. Someday, people will say things like “How much do I love you, my dear? I love you as much as Milton sucked in 2005.”

Aaron Harang - Anti-Milton Award
Aaron Harang came seemingly out of nowhere in 2005 to establish himself as the closest thing the Reds had to a reliable starter. Nothing smart-ass to say about that.

Javier Valentín - Best Mascot
When I adopted Javier Valentín as the object of my affection back in May, there weren't many people talking about him at all, let alone calling him the Latin Love Machine. But since then, the LLM has won over his critics and blossomed into the best mascot a blogger could ever hope for.

Sean Casey - Almost But Not Quite Award
After failing to collect his 100th RBI in the 2004 season, Sean Casey failed to collect his 10th home run in 2005. For coming so tantalizingly close, but never achieving that round number, we stand up and applaud Casey. Or rather, we lean forward in our seats, shift our weight to our hands on our armrests, and pause there indefinitely.

Aaron Holbert - Most Likely to be Forgotten in 2007 Award
Sorry about that, man.

Jason Standridge - Hottest Red Award
When the position of Hottest Red became available back in the middle of July, I knew it was going to be an incredibly daunting task to select the next honoree. There are just so many worthy candidates with strengths in so many different areas. There are some guys who can make you laugh, guys who can make you think, even a couple who can impress you with their baseball skill.

But finally I came to the realization that, when you're talking about hotness, things like charm, character, and playing ability, appealing as they are, just don't matter. Hotness is about causing a visceral reaction, making members of the opposite sex exhale audibly when you walk by and smile. And once I settled on that criteria, it was really the easiest award to give.

I mean, look at him.

Congratulations to all of our winners. Till next week, keep on jumping to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat.

YES! Finally!!

Marc says that Bucky's on board. I am so psyched. Let the partying begin!

CLEVELAND, OH -- Redheads are hot-tempered. Nerds wear glasses. Characterizing people by their looks is nothing new. But according to a study out of Case Western Reserve University, such characterizations reach beyond our intellectual understanding of events all the way down to our beliefs about good and evil.

The study asked 500 men to draw a picture of a good man and describe that man.

Certain characteristics were common to all of the drawings: curly, mussed blond hair, and a devil-may-care expression. Participants described the good man as strong, entitled, and forthright.

The study then asked the same 500 men to draw a picture of an evil man and describe him.

Common characteristics included dark hair and a goatee. Participants described the evil man as overbearing, indulged, and rude.

The second phase of the study divided the 500 men into two groups and read them the following scenario:

“Joe goes to a restaurant and orders a T-bone steak, well-done. When a sirloin steak, cooked medium-rare arrives at his table, Joe sends the steak back, asking for the order to be corrected.”

Group A was shown a picture of Joe that looked like the prototypical Good Man, while Group B was shown a picture that looked like the Evil Man. Both groups were asked their impressions on the story.

Group A, who had seen Good Joe, thought Joe had been badly mistreated and worried that he might suffer from indigestion or not want to return to the restaurant. Some thought the restaurant should give him gift certificates to tie him up as a long-term customer.

Group B, who had been shown Bad Joe, thought Joe shouldn't have complained about the mix-up but just eaten what he was given because he'd ordered a better meal than he deserved. Some blamed him for depriving someone else of the sirloin. Most hoped he would not return to the restaurant. One continually shouted, “Stop the bad man!”

“The implications are stunning,” said Dr. Frank O. Fill, head psychology researcher on the project. “We've always known that stereotypes are powerful, but to think that what you do doesn't matter at all because people will interpret your actions in a way that is consistent with their preconceived notions…” Dr. Fill trailed off.

“I'm just glad I'm not dark-haired,” said the strawberry blond Fill. “Now get out of my office. I have work to do.”

Dr. Fill plans more studies in the coming months, including determining the perception of short, round Puerto Rican men.

Anthony Castrovince, writer for mlb.com, posted an interview with the Mr. Javier Valentín and didn't even ask him how it felt to be known far and wide as The Latin Love Machine.

But we know all about his first car. Woo. Seriously, these interviews are like the Seven Stupid Questions, only without the benefit of rhyming words. Fortunately, Javy volunteered some actually interesting information. I guess it's worth a read.

In news unrelated to my intense jealousy, fake news tonight! You're going to love it! Well, maybe you won't love it, but I'm going to laugh my ass off. Plus, one more big RHM announcement this evening. Stay tuned.

Or pretty close to it anyway. The following press release appears on the official site:

CINCINNATI -- The Cincinnati Reds, LLC, the entity which owns the Cincinnati Reds Major League Baseball franchise, today announced that its owners intend to sell a controlling interest in the Club to a group of Cincinnatians led by Robert H. Castellini, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Castellini Company. Other members of the purchasing group include Thomas L. Williams and William J. Williams, Jr., President and Chairman, respectively, of Cincinnati-based North American Properties. The purchase price of the interests sold will be based on an enterprise value for the Club of approximately $270 million. Upon consummation of the transaction, it is expected that Mr. Castellini will become the CEO of the Reds.

Several of the existing owners, including Reds' Chief Executive Officer Carl H. Lindner, George L. Strike, and William J. Reik, Jr., intend to retain an interest in the Club. The owners of the Club who intend to sell all their current interests are Great American Insurance Company and a subsidiary of Gannett Co., Inc.

Mr. Castellini stated that, “Carl has meant so much to the Reds and the City of Cincinnati. As such, we are thrilled that he has agreed to continue his association with the Club as a significant partner in our ownership group. I look forward to finalizing the agreement and submitting our group for MLB approval in the very near future as we are very excited about this opportunity and are eager to get started on the work ahead.”

Messrs. Castellini and Williams are familiar with the Reds' tradition and the Cincinnati market, and bring unique experience to the Reds from their many years as part owners of the St. Louis Cardinals. In addition, the Williams brothers' father and uncle were major owners of the Reds from 1966 until 1984.

In February 2005, current owners Nippert, Strike and Gannett began the sale process by engaging Allen & Company LLC, a New York based investment banking firm, to offer for sale that group's interest in the Reds. “In selecting the Castellini group, the commitment of Bob Castellini and Tom and Joe Williams to our community was a very important factor to all of us,” explained Mr. Strike.

The Reds are the oldest professional baseball team in America, dating back to 1869, and were a charter member of the National League at its formation in 1876. During the Club's storied history, the Reds have appeared in the World Series nine times, winning five times. On three other occasions, the Reds reached the National League Championship Series, most recently in 1995.

While a definitive agreement has not yet been signed and any sale is subject to regulatory review and the approval of Major League Baseball, the parties expect to complete the transaction before the end of the year. Until such time as the necessary approvals are received, the purchasing group will be precluded from making further comment on the proposed transaction.