my people we don't know defeat we crush the strong and
percolate the weak daily (everyday) we make our moves to
improve our groove because we love to rule where we
lay yo!..(Yo!) work and play we started at the bottom and
now we're leading the way and yea!..(yea!) I'm havin a fit kickin it
at the top because I'm too legit to quit…sang!…

Man, I've missed a lot of shit. Not as much as Hammer, but an intimidating amount. But hell, let's go back and hit a bunch of it anyway. In no particular order:

D'Angelo Jimenez to the Rangers
The Texas Rangers have signed D'Angelo Jimenez to a minor-league contract with an invitation to spring training. So I guess the Pirates aren't getting him after all.

I'm not usually one of the people harping on Dan O'Brien for not selling players at their peak. If you always get rid of everyone who's good now to gamble on people who might be good in the future, the future never comes. But in the case of D'Lo….damn.

Reds Offer Aurilia Arbitration
The Reds bought themselves some more time to negotiate with Rich Aurilia by offering him arbitration. JD links to Ken Rosenthal saying that the Reds offered arbitration on the condition that he would decline. The rationale here being that the Reds would expect someone else to sign him and then receive a draft pick in return.

That doesn't make sense to me. I can understand the Reds offering arbitration with the expectation that Aurilia would decline, but on the condition that he would and not continue negotiating? Why would Aurilia agree to that? He gets no benefit.

Also, manager Jerry Narron's in love with Aurilia. If he has anything to say about it, Aurilia will be a Red in 2006. I wouldn't hate it either.

Griffey Will Wear #3 Next Season
Yay.

The Need for Speed
Joel wrote a genuinely funny fake news story about Tony Womack's cinematic inspiration. I highly recommend it.

It's What's on the Inside That Counts
I don't know if it's just how it displays on my Mac or whether Shawn's blog really is oddly formatted, but he always does have some very interesting things to say if you know to scroll down far enough to read them. This time, he's talking about what he learned from The Hardball Times Annual. A lot of the conclusions he's sharing are sort of unexpected.

Still Bored?
Bellyscratcher is playing Scrabble.

Jacob Cruz Returning to Reds Organization
Jacob Cruz was giving the impression that he wasn't going to come back to the Reds without a major league contract, but backed down at the last minute and signed a minor league contract.

I don't think that the Reds have gotten the credit they deserve for correctly handling this situation. It's not a huge deal, I guess, but they've made smaller bad decisions that people have jumped all over them for. They were prepared to let one hell of a guy walk away, with genuine regret it seemed, but prepared nonetheless. And it all worked out OK in the end.

Randy Keisler Released
You kinda think maybe he'll be back anyway?

Red Hot Mama Mentioned on the Wastecast
Funnyball was promoted on the most recent Dro Kulix's Wastecast. Sure, it was pretty much a postscript, but he's pretty cool, so I'm lucky to be there at all. He's so cool, in fact, that he thinks inexplicable things, like that Mink Car sucked.

Casey Wears His Heart on his Tongue
If you haven't been over to Marc's blog to read the soliloquy from Sean Casey about how he felt about Cincinnati and leaving it, I think it's worth a look. I cried.

Felipe Lopez is Real Boring
Shadows of Anthony Castrovince, former MLB writer for The Official Reds Site and current MLB writer for The Official Indians Site, remain on the Reds site in the form of an interview with Felipe Lopez. It's a snooze-fest. Check it out.

Speaking of MLB writers, I'm very excited to say that Mark Sheldon, our new MLB writer at the official site, says that someone mentioned my blog to him before I sent a link-whoring email message. It was probably just Castrovince, and probably in the context of “watch out for that link-whoring, Bat-Girl wannabe,” but I'll take it!

'Cause it makes me legit, right?

PITTSBURGH, PA -- After trading for Cincinnati Reds' first baseman Sean Casey and courting former Red Joe Randa, Pirates' general manager Dave Littlefield revealed plans today to sign the entire Cincinnati 2005 opening day infield.

“Don't you remember the Reds' opening series last year?” Littlefield responded when asked about his plan. “I want to bring that kind of excitement to the great city of Pittsburgh.”

Littlefield and Reds' general manager Dan O'Brien are in talks to trade Reds' catcher Jason LaRue for the Pirates' shortstop, Jack Wilson.

“I'm hoping this move will make the Womack trade look better by comparison,” explained O'Brien. “Besides, we can't go into spring training without someone to start ahead of [Felipe] Lopez.”

Negotiations with shortstop Rich Aurilia are moving quickly. “I want to play every day,” said Aurilia. “I haven't displaced a younger, faster, better shortstop in almost a year now, and I'm getting kind of anxious.”

Casey described Littlefield's plan as “awesome,” though rumor has it that he is holding up talks with second baseman D'Angelo Jimenez.

“He's just mean,” said Casey.

Littlefield says he has a backup plan in case he cannot come to an agreement with Jimenez.

“Barry Larkin's still in good shape, right?” said Littlefield.

If Littlefield can succeed in his goal of emulating the 2005 Reds, he may well pull off the most exciting start to a Pirate's season in recent memory. Of course, the wide-eyed enthusiasm will fizzle immediately after the first series, leaving the fan base completely dejected by the middle of June and finishing the season in fifth place in the division.

“But that's one place higher than we ended last year,” said Littlefield. “A step in the right direction.”

HOLLYWOOD, CA -- Colorado Rockies' reliever Ray King made his silver screen debut today with the release of the much anticipated remake of King Kong.

King, who plays the title simian, says he can identify with the beast. “In some ways, I'm like King Kong,” said King. “People say I'm too big, or that I'm too dangerous. It's true that I'm strong and powerful, but really I'm just a big softy.”

King joins such baseball players as Drake Hogestyn (Days of Our Lives) in making the switch to acting. King said it was a natural transition.

“All those extras in the street yelling and jeering at me when I was up on the building,” explained King. “It was just like being on the mound.”

King Kong is expected to gross King's 2005 salary of $1,850,000 in about 15 minutes, and promises to pave the way for future cross-media opportunities for other athletes.

In related news, the Cincinnati Reds' Adam Dunn has just signed a lucrative deal with Nintendo to re-release one of their most popular and recognizable titles. Donkey Kong: Get Dunn-ky is expected in stores for Christmas 2006.

Now, I'm not the biggest Dunn fan in the world. I'm pretty much bored by home runs, and I've always been mystified when women say he's good looking.

However, in preparation for a fake news story that I'm hoping will drop this very night, I spent a couple hours today looking through a whole lot of pictures of Mr. Dunn, some of them quite old, and I'll be damned if he didn't used to be hot back in the day.

Dunn fanciers of the world, I stand corrected.

For the sake of his game, for the sake of his health, for the sake of beauty and art and poetry, somebody please get this guy a haircut, a shave, and a serious stint on The Program that worked out so well for Kearnsy last season.

It's just too much of a waste that this is what we're missing out on.

Over at Red Reporter, JD has decreed that there are no adequate sports blogging awards and has taken it upon himself to set up a sports blog contest. He's requesting nominations to current categories, as well as additional categories in which to award prizes.

Red Hot Mama, of course, hasn't got a chance in any of the current categories. I almost suggested a category for Best Blog Written By A Woman Who Doesn't Necessarily Know Much About The Sport But Who Occasionally Writes Some Decent Fake News, but then I realized that Joel would just end up beating me. Again. So I let it slide.