CINCINNATI, OH -- A Cincinnati Reds fan and frequent message board poster used his precognitive powers to select the winning lotto numbers this week to win a $250 prize.

“After I foretold the loss of the Reds' season because [Reds' General Manager Dan] O'Brien signed [infielder Rich] Aurilia, I knew I had the gift,” said the lotto winner, Mel O. Drama. “So I bought a ticket.”

He bought 300 $1 tickets, actually. “It's not luck,” said Drama. “It's clairvoyance.”

Dunn Cancels Kissing Booth
Adam Dunn, the Reds' popular outfielder-cum-first-baseman, cancelled plans to man a kissing booth for the Make-A-Wish Foundation during Cory Lidle's Celebrity Poker Tournament in Las Vegas this weekend.

“It sounded like a good way to meet some hot chicks, but these nerdy guys started lining up on Wednesday.” said Dunn. “It was freaky; they were all muttering about on base percentage.”

Dunn's fans were disappointed.

“But it's for the kids!” exclaimed one man in queue.

Old Guys Inducted into Reds Hall of Fame
Tom Browning and two other people you've never heard of were selected to join the Reds Hall of Fame this week. The three old guys will be inducted during a pregame ceremony at Great American Ball Park later this summer.