Rockies Forfeit Due to Lack of Balls
By
Amanda
Posted at 5:43 pm
DENVER, CO -- The Colorado Rockies will forfeit tonight's contest against the Cincinnati Reds after a humidor break-down decimated their supply of baseballs.
The Rockies' Senior Director of Engineering and Facilities, James Wiener, noticed the break-down that ruined the baseballs late this afternoon.
“[Rockies' reliever Ray] King asked me for some of his balls to play with,” said Wiener. “He'll only play with his own balls. We keep them in a sack up against the wall in the humidor.”
“I noticed right away that something wasn't right because his balls were blue,” explained Wiener. The bluish tint seems to have appeared when, after splitting or winning all their series, the Rockies failed to seal the deal with the Braves.
Wiener's fears were confirmed he he touched King's balls. “They were all way too small. Even the sack was dry and shriveled up.” He soon discovered that all of the teams' baseballs were destroyed.
“You should have seen the guys' faces when I told them they didn't have any balls,” said Wiener, shaking his head.
FedEx will deliver a new supply of balls in the morning.
“That's great,” said Reds' reliever, Kent Mercker, “But who's going to deliver them some testicles?”
Your penis jokes both shock and offend me.
That’s made even funnier by the fact that James Wiener really *is* the Rockies’ Senior Director of Engineering and Facilities. I just got off the phone with a guy who says he went to school with James Wiener, and he told me the guy’s a real pr…um, well…he says they used to call him “Shorty” but he made everybody swear they would never tell anybody why. He also says this Wiener guy had a thing for balls even back then, and collected them religiously. My friend says he never saw his collection, but a female friend of his who did said his balls were purple. At the time, he thought she was just pulling his leg. But in light of what RHM has just posted, perhaps there’s good reason why the Rockies’ A-ball farm team in Modesto, CA is nicknamed what it is nicknamed.
HMZ (John)
[url=http://www.minorleaguebaseball.com/app/clubs/ip_index.jsp?sid=milb&cid=t515]http://www.minorleaguebaseball.com/app/clubs/ip_index.jsp?sid=milb&cid=t515[/url]
Geki – There are no penis jokes in that post. I thought about incorporating “cigars” into it somehow, but I decided to just stick with the ball jokes.
John – You are a researching machine.
That is impressive research, and a funny post I might add. It won’t be easy to hit lower, but I’ll do some grab-bag research and see what I come up with. 😉
Cross-posted at [url=http://www.purplerow.com/story/2006/5/3/17011/24913#commenttop]Rox Girl[/url].
I think it’s so cute that there are Rockies fans! Just goes to show that if you build it, even if “it” is the Rockies, they will come.
Look at those empty stands. Don’t those Denver people know they’ve got to enjoy this first place team while it lasts??
RHM, are you *ahem* enjoying the stylings of Grande and Welsh this evening? …as I type this, they are talking about the same thing!
Indeed I am, Skeeter, but I didn’t realize I was plagiarizing them. My kid is singing “The Goopy Gooper” song from his favorite SpongeBob movie and drowning everything else out.
LoL, no you said it first… they’re copying off of you! It was just odd to read it as I was hearing it.
Yeah, I’m sure George and Chris don’t miss a day of RHM!
Hey… where’s Deer Meat?
Bambi’s mom?
Barmes. 😉 George answered the question for me.
Holliday is an awesome baserunner.
I enjoyed yesterday’s game, but tonight I’m really, really ready for some offensive output. (By the Reds, preferably.)
And, hey, since the humidor is “broken,” I’m looking for no less than 8 Reds homers.
…a girl can dream.
Does seem like it’s been a while since we got the home run clinic. Not to say tha I don’t love a Brandon Phillips ground ball up the middle.
Love me a few stolen bases, too.
“I’m not so sure the Reds have Jeff Francis’ move figured out.”
Yeah, Chris, well Francis doesn’t seem to have the strike zone figured out, so I’m not too worried.
You know, I think I’m finally getting why there are so many swings and misses from your team. I think your bats are a couple of inches short.
Too bad for Brandon, to get so far on the bases but never reach home. Don’t worry I’m sure he’ll make it all the way with some other team some day.
I wouldn’t rule out tonight, with the Reds quite yet.
What did I miss? I had to read a Curious George bedtime story.
Nothing of note… Aurilia got a double and was left stranded. ::shrug::
Fair ball, dammit.
Foul ball, thank you
C’mon Claussen. What’s the matter? Can’t pitch a wet ball?
Claussen’s an awesome strikethrower
I’m enjoying a Coors Light in your honor, Ms. Girl.
And in Freel’s honor.
hmmm, you’re welcome to it, I think I’ll go with [url=http://www.1001cocktails.com/recipes/cocktails/recipe_cocktail.php?recette_cocktail=106520&recipe=red+hot]one of these in yours,[/url] RHM.
Claussen!
Try [url=http://www.red-hot-mama.com/comments.php?id=254_0_1_0_C]this one[/url]
No more tomato juice 🙁
But I definitely know what’s on the shopping list tomorrow.
Ooh, let me know how it is. I’ve never actually tried one. It seems sort of creepy to drink myself.
Aurilia *wanted* the runner on third. You’ll see.
Nice pick off, guys. Aurillia’s really good at this first base thing.
You think Aurilia’s bad, you ough to see Dunn there.
Is his name really pronounced AR-DWAH?
Wanted the runner on third… so he can score… , yeah, it all makes sense to me now.
He’s creationg emotional tension. It’s all about showmanship, my dear.
It’s cause he’s Ca-JON,
I’d love to hear Jerry Narron pronounce that… he’s had some good ones
You know, Matt Holliday’s name is appropriate because he plays like this for three or four days every month or so and then goes back to the work of being in a perpetual slump.
Yowch. That’s a big, fat three-spot Mr. Claussen.
I just saw your fake news. Totally awesome.
Richie–noooooo!!!
I don’t want Dunn at first!
we could put larue or javy there.
Griffey. Well, not tonight, but long-term.
Freel’s freakin’ awesome. Great catch.
I agree 100% on both points. Too bad Griffey won’t play anywhere else.
Daedalus… we can’t waste our catchers, we only have three.