How awesome is this?

According to a story on mlb.com:

The Cubs have signed second baseman Tony Womack to a Minor League contract. Womack was designated for assignment by the Reds on April 25. In nine games with Cincinnati, he batted .222. In a 13-year career, Womack has played for the Pirates, Diamondbacks, Rockies, Cubs, Cardinals and Yankees. He has a career .273 average with 35 homers, 366 RBIs and 362 stolen bases. “He can play the outfield, he can pinch-hit, he can pinch-run,” Baker said. “When we had him [in 2003], he was injured. We didn't see the real Tony Womack. His arm was bad, and he's apologized for that many times.” Womack hit .235 in 21 games for the Cubs.

So many derisive things to say come to mind that I can't decide among them. I'll list them all in bullet formation, and you can choose your favorite:

• I guess the Cubs know a good thing when they see the Reds drop it.
• Tony apologized many times for having a bad arm. How many times did he apologize for having a bad everything else?
• Whew! For a minute there I thought Chicago might still try to bounce back.
• Cubs fans must be super-psyched. Finally that gaping hole at “light-hitting infielder” will be filled.
• Perhaps we'd like to give them the opportunity to sign Rick White.
• Ha ha. Cubs suck.

For those of you just joining us…

Last Sunday, Tiny Casey was kidnapped. The kidnapper remains at large, and our tiny little plastic buddy remains missing.

Jacci identified JD, Shawn, Blade, Doc Scott, and me as her suspects.

• JD says he couldn't have done it because he was watching something on t.v.
• Shawn says he couldn't have done it because he was at a children's movie.
• Blade says he couldn't have done it because he was reading a children's book.
• Scott says he couldn't have done it because he was getting a special deal on an extra-large helping of salmonella.
• And I couldn't have done it because I spent Sunday watching the Indianapolis Indians trounce the Durham Bulls, 8-1. Well, not so much “watching” as “drinking beer in the general vicinity of.” Mother's Day fun at its finest.

Someone's story must not hold up, because Casey is gone.

Furthermore, the kidnapper sent clues to T.C.'s whereabouts:

• Monday's clue featured some rather unusual capitalization. That would turn out to be a trend in the letters.
• Tuesday's clue explained that Casey could be found at a URL, but you'll have to figure out the domain. Wherever could we find the letters that make up the missing word??
• Wednesday's clue didn't have a letter, but the photo was notable.
• Today's clue warns that time is running short for T.C.

I'm really worried. You have to help Jacci find Tiny Casey. The first person to locate him and identify his kidnapper will receive a full prize package from yours truly, including an autographed copy of Covering the Bases, several matchbooks, and an autographed copy of the increasingly collectible book Funnyball.

The wind is changing; I can just tell. The Reds will win today.

The Reds lost the game and the series to the Pittsburgh Pirates yesterday by a score of 2-7.

Bronson Arroyo started for the Reds. He allowed four runs (earned) on nine hits and two walks through six innings to get the loss. Todd Coffey pitched the seventh giving up zero runs on one hit and one walk. Rick White pitched the eighth allowing three runs (earned) on three hits and a walk.

Cincinnati drew first blood for a change when Ryan Freel, Felipe Lopez, and Ken Griffey, Jr. each singled to start the first inning. Austin Kearns knocked a sacrifice fly to left to score Freel. Adam Dunn walked to load up the bases again, but Edwin Encarnación popped out and Brandon Phillips struck out to end the threat.

The Reds didn't put up much of a fight again until the fifth inning. Freel and Lopez drew back-to-back walks, setting up Griffey to score Freel on a single to left field. Kearns grounded into a double play and Dunn walked for the second time, putting the pressure on Encarnación, who flied out to end the inning.

In the seventh, Freel singled to reach base for the third time on the night (he would walk in the ninth to make it a total of four). After a fly out by Lopez and a HBP for Griffey, Freel got himself picked off. Even with two outs, though, Kearns reached on a fielding error and Dunn walked to, yet again, put the pressure on Encarnación. Poor kid k'd.

The loss brings the Reds' record to 23-17. They prevent the sweep this afternoon at 12:35 p.m. Dave Williams takes on Victor Santos.

You probably noticed that it was Adam Dunn manning first base last night. That was because Rich Aurilia is still on the DL and Scott Hatteberg has come down with the dreaded flu-like symptoms:

PITTSBURGH -- Flu-like symptoms have felled Scott Hatteberg, who was to start at first base tonight. The original lineup also had Lopez leading off and Brandon Phillips second.

Now that Hatteberg is out, Dunn will play first and Freel will start in left and lead off, moving Lopez back to second and Phillips to seventh in the order.

Personally, I think Javy at first would have been a better choice, but whatever.

The dreaded flu-like symptoms have hit this team many times over the last two seasons. In fact, they've caused so much missed playing time, I'm starting to think that “flu-like symptoms” is, in fact, a euphemism for one or more other conditions, such as:

• Slump
• Hangover
• Pissed off the manager
• Bad hair day
• Herpes

This is the point in the column where usually I'd entreat the Cincinnati management to drop the fascade and just tell us if the guys are feeling too puffy to play, but now that I think about it, stick with the “flu-like symptoms.” Every relationship needs a little mystique.

Get well soon, Hattey.