Boxscore

In the competition between suck and suck, the Pirates (13-19) emerged victorious over the Giants (14-19). (At this point, I’d declare the Pirates the victor over the Reds in the competition for suck, but just barely.)

Nate McLouth has had an amazing year so far. This game was no exception as he belted two home runs and drove in three. Xavier Nady continues to hit, and wonder of all wonders, Adam LaRoche hit a home run on his way to getting his batting average over the Mendoza line. Way to go, Adam!

Zach Duke (1-2) was solid for the win and Jonathan Sanchez (2-2) wasn’t for the loss. Strangely, no save was recorded in this game.

Up next, the Giants send out Barry Zito, who’s apparently escaped the bullpen, to start against Phil Dumatrait. Considering the terrible ERAs both pitchers carry, we’ll likely be looking at a pitchers duel when the game begins at 7:05pm EDT.

Ah well you may have noticed I have been curiously absent from the postings here at RHM. That is because, like you, I am in a state of absolute shock about the way this season has begun. Aaron Harang 1-5 with an ERA below 3? Just how cursed are we here? And more importantly how do we rid ourselves of this curse?

Well if your like me (and that would mean you are drinking beer morning to night while walking thru this nightmare) then you are ready to cut ties with Ken Griffey Jr. and Adam Dunn. Is it because we don’t believe they can turn it around? No not really. Its because they make a combined 25 million dollars while you and I are wondering if we can afford to go out to eat in a sit down restaurant tomorrow.

Did you see the play by Adam Dunn a series ago where he actually threw the ball backwards off the wall, allowing an inside the park homerun? Well, I tell you I meant to post that very day but watching that buffoonery has affected my own reflexes. And as I mentioned I am drinking constantly so forgive me for my tardy commentary on that particular play, but suffice it to say that I had a flashback to a scene in the Bad News Bears where that kid Lupus tried to pick up the ball and throw it unsuccessfully 3 times in a row. Buttermaker, the manager, on my wavelength apparently, numbs his thoughts with a constant beer supply while seated in the dugout. eventually he comes out and signals forfeit as his team cannot record an out.

The worst and best part of all of this is that the two unknown major variables, Johnny Cueto and Edinson Volquez, have been for the most part lights out. Okay Cueto blew up on one of his starts (and look back at my predictions and you’ll see I predicted that would happen based on his spring training results) but nontheless we could not have asked for better combined numbers for two new entries in the rotation. The bullpen is vastly improved from last season. The failures of this young season fall squarely on the shoulders of the offense. And believe it or not Paul Bako is not the culprit. No, in fact Paul Bako is gonna win the Joe Randa award for most amazing season by a low wage player. Seriously, at this juncture I wouldn’t mind seeing Bako batting fourth, if nothing else just to shame the rest of the team.

I didn’t want to call up Bailey and Bruce prematurely, but that was only in the case that we were within sniffing distance of a pennant race. Clearly that is not the case here. We are in major BLOW IT UP AND REBUILD THE DAMN THING mode. I expect Dunn and Griffey to get moved soon. The writing is on the wall. Today Griffey told USA Today he wanted to play for a contender and that “everyone wants to return to where they started.” If they want him in Seattle I think that is win-win as we need to start thinking about next year and Griffey at 16 million would be utter madness. If they fail to trade him this year they would have to exercise a 4 million dollar buy out.

All I ask is this: if we do indeed dump Griffey and/or Dunn we the fans should get a bone thrown our way. I’m talking about one dollar dogs and one dollar softdrinks for the rest of the season. I don’t think that is unreasonable. I wouldn’t mind watching a rebuilding project if I can kick back at a modest price. Otherwise there is no chance I would attend a game unless I got a free ticket.

Since we last spoke GM Wayne Krivsky was given the boot and Walt Jocketty was coronated. Walt, what the hell are you doing? Do you see the debacle that is our season? Can you please do something to show us that you have some general disapproval of the way the team is performing, beside swapping Bray and Weathers back and forth? We’re pissed as hell at the players but you aren’t exactly hiding in the shadows right now. Get your ass in gear!

Well my buzz is fading into a gentle numbness, and that isn’t gonna do the job, so I must go now to seek out my next beer. Good luck fellow Reds fan, try not to inflict bodily harm on yourself. I know it is tempting. Believe me, I know all to well.

The Reds are playing the Cubs, and thanks to the Cubs being in a nasty slump, the series is tied 1-1. Seems like a fun time to get out the old Whack-a-Cub game and blow the dust off the Zambrano mallet. The Reds could have used this earlier tonight.

Play Whack a Cub

In this case, though, it doesn’t seem to just be inferiority-complex-inspired crabbiness. Or, if it is, it’s on base.

It’s been over a year since Thom Brennaman started broadcasting for the Reds. Back then, I was very much against the idea of the team putting just another white guy in the booth (even if he was Marty’s son). Back then, I’d actually make the effort to turn off the audio on the television broadcast. Back then, I’d yell at the radio when Thom said something stupid.

Since then I guess I’ve just become numb to the constant stream of drivel. But this post at The Cub Reporter re-sensitized me to the wisdom of Thom. Some of the complaints in the blog post are just bitching, but not all, and that’s what makes this post special.

Some of the jabs are directed at Chris Welsh, and Chris may say some dumb stuff sometimes, but he’s really a genuinely good color guy. When Thom first started last year, my favorite parts of his broadcasts were when he’s say some inane or irrelevant or obviously made up thing and Chris would go silent, apparently as he tried to come up with a non-confrontational to say what was on everyone’s mind, namely: “Thom, you ignorant slut.” In fact, the quality of Chris’s commentary and his desire to be non-confrontational could be part of the problem.

Even though the Reds aren’t going to get rid of Marty’s son any time soon, I can see two different directions the team could go to improve Thom’s image:

1. Hire me. I’ve got two whole years of nearly weekly podcasting experience that I could put to use in a nightly broadcast with Thom. Unlike Chris, though, I would be perfectly willing to call Thom out. “Do you have any proof to back that up?”, “Don’t you think that sweeping generalization may be unfair to some right-handed hitters?”, and “How about you just stop talking for a while?” would be my popular catch phrases.

2. Hire Joe Morgan. Rather than trying to call out the inanity, make a sport of it. Thom’s lack of actual baseball knowledge against Joe’s lack of actual sense. Watching them try to outdo each other will become even more interesting than the game on the field, not that that’s too tough when the Reds are playing. Though Joe will be at a disadvantage, since his frequent references to his Reds career will suddenly seem sort of relevant.

The more that I think about it, the more obvious this seems. The Reds need to hire Joe Morgan to make Thom Brennaman look better by comparison. They need to do it now, even before addressing the manager situation.

You’ve heard of FireJoeMorgan.com. Now, we at Red Hot Mama have registered the domain HireJoeMorgan.com (can you believe it was available??) I’m not sure yet what we’re going to do with it, but I’m sure it’ll be no problem. An idea this good writes itself. If nothing else, I can fill it with inferiority-complex-inspired crabbiness; this is the Reds we’re talking about after all.

I saw this story on Deadspin and I had to link to it. It’s probably the most inspiring baseball story to come out of the Pittsburgh area since who knows when. A very moving story.

Lots of amazing quotes from the kid who’s the focus of the story. He has insight that most adults never achieve. My favorite is this:

A situation is what you make of it. Not what it makes of you.

You should read it for yourself.