1. Once, just once, I’d like to see Jeff Piecoro say something in a post-game interview worthy of getting him punched in the face.

2. How the hell is Kyle Lohse a ten-game winner? Are Tony LaRussa and Dave Duncan warlocks?

3. Why isn’t there yet a Pete Rose reality show? People would totally watch, the content would be totally compelling, and he’d totally jump at the chance to do it. My initial idea for a title, “La Vie En Rose” seems a tad uppity given the subject matter. Perhaps something like, “The Thorny Life of Pete Rose”?

Boxscore

Jason LaRue blocked the plate, held onto the ball, and survived a collision with David DeJesus yesterday to keep the Royals off the board in the first inning. The next inning, he celebrated further by launching a 2-run homer to give the Cardinals the lead.

Albert Pujols also hit a home run, and just missed a second. Pujols served as the DH after being activated for the Royals series. His presence was missed, and his return helped St. Louis dispatch their in-state rivals.

It also moves them 2.5 games out of first, behind the slumping Cubs.

Boxscore

Yes, that was an optimistic headline. No, it’s not something that has a snowball’s chance in hell of happening, but it’s fun to dream sometimes. Also, it’s fun to play with small sample sizes.

The Reds won their second game in a row of yesterday. That’s 2-0 since the halfway point. You know what that means? They’re going to finish the year with a 117-45 record. There’s no way that doesn’t net them first place!

Bronson Arroyo actually pitched well, and the offense scored tons of runs. That’s usually how you win ball games, and the Reds did, no thanks to a couple errors.

The game also marked a dubious honor: it was the Reds first winning road trip this year (just barely at 5-4). Even worse, it was only the second winning road trip since all the way back to June 2006. Man, this team has sucked. But things are different now! This totally isn’t like how they started of the first half of the season well only to fall of a cliff. No, not at all.

If you’ve been one of the lucky ones to avoid seeing me and the Crack Technical Staff on the big board when you’ve attended Reds games this season, your luck is about to end.

Reds beat reporter John Fay dropped this little observation on the day before Cincinnati’s halfway point of the season.

If Aaron Harang and Bronson Arroyo don’t turn things around quickly, this season is toast.

Really? You’ve got to be kidding me. The optimism there astounds me. The Reds are 13.5 games out of first and have been double-digits back for a long time. And still Fay thinks the Reds have a shot?

This just in: monkeys have been spotted flying out of butts.