“CINCINNATI — Corey Patterson’s return to the Reds in 2009 already seemed unlikely as this season closed. Now, it’s official,” says Mark Sheldon in this story on Reds.com.

I’m glad that the return of Patterson in 2009 seemed unlikely to someone. It seemed as likely as hell to me.

Other tidbit of interest from this story:

Expect the club to make serious efforts to bring back reliever David Weathers and utility player Jerry Hairston Jr.

Whether these are good potential moves depends on what the Reds intentions are. If they’re padding the roster with decent performers, or trying to gain future favor with Weathers’ son, then it’s cool.

Boxscore

After all the winning put up by the Cubs, the Brewers, and to a lesser extent, the Cardinals and Astros, the NLC’s showing in the playoffs was disappointingly short. (That’s what she said.)

So much for the best division in baseball.

Anyway, unlike the Cubs, the Brewers managed to show up for one game and stalled elimination until game 4 against the Phillies. The 4 runs Jeff Suppan allowed in the 3rd inning pretty much sums up the game. Suppan allowed 2 home runs in that inning, one to Pat Burrell and another to Jayson Werth. It was too much for Milwaukee to recover from.

Still, the Brewers had a successful season. It was their first post-season appearance since 1982. While the go-for-broke philosophy that got them there provides a heapin’ helpin’ of work for the club for next year, the team and its fans can take solace that they didn’t collapse as badly as the Cubs.

Boxscore

I don’t usually recap games that happened over the weekend, but since these are the last ones, I’ll make an exception.

The Cubs were swept by the Dodgers over the weekend. If you heard a giant sucking sound from the Midwest or felt millions of souls crying out in anguish, now you know the source.

This game might have been the first time I’ve empathized with Cubs fans. Perhaps the perspective of following a team that hasn’t had a winning season for 8 years helps, but what Chicago put its fans through this year was brutal.

The Cubs team assembled this year was dominant, well-rounded, and perfectly poised to do well in the postseason. Which made the inexcusable disappearance of every single player not named Carlos Zambrano all the more heart-wrenching. Honestly, I was hoping they could pull out a miracle and win one game by the end of the 3rd game. But no. It was not to be.

But the Cubs achieved 100 years of futility. Somewhere, Monk is pleased. 100 is a much nicer number than 99, after all.

Boy oh boy, have the Reds and Bank of America got a deal for you. If you are among those willing to wield a credit card emblazoned with Cincinnati graphics, they’ll present you with your very own miniature base, autographed by Bronson Arroyo.

Now, the credit card itself I can almost get behind. It can represent the emotional credit that you’ve lent the team year after year, hoping it’ll finally be enough to finance their never-ending rebuilding. Plus, you can buy stuff with it.

The miniature base has its symbolism, too. It stands for all the bases Arroyo gave up this year. But once you’re done reflecting on the highly anticipated one-two punch that failed to perform, then the squandering of the unexpected one-two punch delivered by a couple rookies, there doesn’t seem to be much to do with the thing. You can’t even set them up in the living room and pretend you’re a giant unless you open three different accounts.

Boxscore

The Cubs played a baseball game against the Dodgers, although using the word “play” to describe their actions might be insulting to baseball teams everywhere.

Carlos Zambrano was about the only Cubs player who showed up to play; everyone else flat-out sucked. For example, the entire infield–yes, the entire infield–had an error. Derrek Lee, Mark DeRosa, Ryan Theriot, and Aramis Ramirez all booted or misthrew balls.

The pathetic excuse for baseball made me shake my head and laugh. It’s one thing to expect the Cubs not to win and achieve 100 years of failure, but to do it in such a terrific display of baseball incompetence was staggering.

The more Cubs baseball I see, the more I think that they don’t know how to win. Whenever they get close, they freak out and turn to blaming bizarre things: a fan in the stands, a goat that didn’t even attend the game, a “curse,” etc. The thing is, I never have seen any of those things flail away at bad pitches or bobble an easy double play ball. Until the Cubs look earnestly in the mirror at the only scapegoat that matters I’m afraid that they’re in for even more losing.

Oh, and for those Cubs fans with a computer, you can order your USB panic button here.