Come to think of it, it’s never been funny.

On the one-year anniversary of his Worst Start Ever, Bronson Arroyo took the mound on the same day, against the same team, to suck nearly as badly. I was late coming home because of an after-work meeting (don’t go reading anything into it; it was only as wild as seven technical writers can get while talking about good-faith efforts to lead a chapter of an international society through troubled financial times. Over beer) and so the Reds were already down by 6 when I got in.

Several minutes later, I realized it was the second inning. Jeepers.

Now in the bottom of the 8th, the Reds trail 2-8 and Arroyo has been chased. For the second night in a row, the Blue Jays are trouncing the Reds. Are the blue birds even good? I’ll go check their standings. Hold on.

…

Third in the AL East. Oh brother. This interleague play is killing me. This is the freaking Royals all over again. And going to the Blue Jay’s website gave me the opportunity to see the headline for tonight’s game: “Blue Jays jump on Reds’ Arroyo again”

At least Votto continues to play. When the camera zooms in on him at the plate I wonder: is he tamping down the anxiety to get through this at-bat? Is the panic continuing to threaten, creeping in on the peripheries of his awareness? I hope not, and I recommend Xanax, if it doesn’t cause you to test positive for any MLB-rule-breaking substances. In a purely technical sense, it would be performance-enhancing, compared to dealing with the ailment.

Joey Votto is back, joining his team as they visit his home town in Toronto. FSOhio has been playing clips from an interview with him through the game, talking about the anxiety attacks that he’s been suffering from. I, too, suffer from anxiety attacks, sometimes for no reason that I can explain, so hearing him describe his experiences just sent a pang of empathy through me for a lad that I already have an uncommon affection for.

As I said, the Reds are playing in Toronto, which is, for those of your following along at home, home to an AL team. Which means that the Reds get to use a designated hitter. As is the traditional wisdom, they are having their pitcher sit out. A more dynamic manager might have recognized that since it’s Micah Owings pitching, they ought to have the pitcher leading off and DH for Willy Taveras.

The Blue Jays’ pitcher tonight has a nasty, ’70s ‘stache that’s making me want to gag. I realize that styles come and go, and that facial hair is totally retro, but nasty ’70s ‘staches are just the gross. Similarly, I do not like the beard that the actor who plays Jim on The Office (who’s name I can’t remember except that it’s really long) had grown for the movie he’s in with Maya Rudolph. Yuck. Way to ruin an otherwise perfectly good-looking dude.

Continuing on the topic of perfectly good-looking dudes returns us to where we began: even Joey Votto has not managed to help the Reds find their offense tonight as I sit here watching in the sixth inning. May the power of the anti-stache prevail before this night is done!

Rookies hope for a cuppa coffee in the majors where they can get a brief glimpse of the major-league lifestyle before, hopefully, taking it on full-time.

Meanwhile, Reds’ offense Joey Votto enjoys a relaxing cup of tea in single A Dayton, warding off his stress-related ailments with a lovely bit of hitting.

I’m hopeful that we’ll be seeing that relaxed smile again soon.

Perhaps not in those exact words, but The Wall Street Journal did insult the Reds intelligence yesterday in a piece that examined the overall education levels of teams and their managers. The Reds were the 27th worst.

Dusty Baker responded to this by again slotting Willy Taveras and Alex Gonzalez in the top of the batting order. Yes, those with the mighty 27.0 and 25.6 Not Out Percentages, respectively. Of course, both failed to get hits, contributing 1/3 of the game’s outs.

It’s as if Baker were saying, I’m not stupid; I’m insane. That’s assuming he actually expected a different result, though.

Either that, or the gobs of millions does

I saw this story about the growing closeness between Ken Griffey Jr and Ichiro Suzuki on Deadspin today.

Ichiro Suzuki spreads a towel on the carpeted floor in front of his locker, lies on his back and begins doing stretching exercises. From Ichiro’s blind side, Ken Griffey Jr. pounces, gets his hands deep under Ichiro’s armpits and digs in with his fingers. Ichiro’s laughter is almost childlike – genuine and uncontrolled – and after about five seconds he screams the magic word to make Griffey stop. Junior stands up, walks back to his locker and sits down. Ichiro lies quietly for a moment, letting his body relax, then goes back to stretching as if nothing had happened.

Baseball players are weird dudes. Apparently, Ichiro was unhappy with the team losing so badly last year, as opposed to all those players of sports who get lively thrills from getting their asses kicked on a daily basis. But the arrival of Griffey has changed that, and the two have become BFFs.

Of course, the Mariners are still losing more than they’re winning, but at least Ichiro has, at long last, found happiness.