According to Reds.com, Jay Bruce just feels like crap for giving the monkeys in the dug-out the ol’ double-sit-and-spin. Reds.com beat reporter Mark Sheldon hypothesizes that the league will be doling out some sort of prudish justice, though we haven’t heard what fine is in order for being the dummy who forgot your beer league game was being televised.

In honor of this presumed-upcoming self-righteousness, I thought I’d list 15 things the Reds, Major League Baseball, the player’s union, or anyone suckling off the teet of Big Baseball have done that have been the equivalent of flipping the bird at the fans, but that have managed so far to go unpunished:

Thanks, Deadspin. Love ya!

1. Baseball t.v. blackouts.
2. “This time it counts.”
3. Confiscating people’s cameras at games, lest they contain explosives, I guess.
4. Not opening the season in Cincinnati.
5. Trying to charge people for stats.
6. The Reds’ last manager search.
7. The Washington Nationals.
8. Um…steroids.
9. Not having any soy sauce for the sushi.
10. “The best fans in baseball.”
11. Dusty Baker’s use of pitchers.
12. Dusty Baker’s construction of line-ups.
13. Dusty Baker’s preference for old farts.
14. The designated hitter.
15. $8 beers.

Boxscore

There is one winless team left in all of Major League Baseball. Can we all take a moment to reflect and be thankful that it’s not the Cincinnati Reds?

Somehow, it’s not even the Pittsburgh Pirates. No, this year’s unlucky out-of-the-gate team is the Houston Astros. They were swept by the Giants to open the season. After that, they ran into perhaps the best team in the national league, the Phillies, and were swept by them. Yesterday, they started a series against the St. Louis Cardinals, so a win any time soon isn’t looking too promising.

It was the Cardinals’ home opener, and they had Adam Wainwright starting. The Astros never had a chance.

Albert Pujols–of course–was the offensive star for the Cardinals, driving in 4 and going 2 for 3 with his 5th homer of the year. Wainwright was brilliant, allowing no runs and striking out 7 over 8 innings. And he needed just 105 pitches to do it.

The Astros’ punch-less offense managed nothing. Zilch. They were held scoreless and had just 7 hits scattered throughout the game.

Wandy Rodriguez struggled in his start for Houston, allowing 4 runs in 4 1/3 innings. With the exception of the bullpen, the Astros truly displayed a team effort in their loss.

The Astros best chance for their first win may not come until this weekend when they face the Chicago Cubs. If not then, well, they play the Nationals at the end of May.

Missed the professional debut of Aroldis Chapman yesterday? C. Trent at CNATI has video of the event.

Won’t it be nice to see those 101 fastballs flying by Albert Pujols bat for the Reds?