Well happy Valentine’s Day to you, too, Cincinnati Reds:

I have never won one of these lotteries, nor has anyone I’ve ever known, ergo I have no choice but to assume that they are an elaborate hoax:

1. To get me used to disappointment. It’s only been one good year, after all.
2. To try to get me to buy season tickets. Sure, I’ll make the 5-hour round trip for each home game!
3. To secure my email address for MLB–whose emails are always identified as a “scam” by my email client and I cannot disagree–so they can offer me “huge” savings, such as 5% off orders over $250.

Bah.