Lately, it feels like the Cincinnati Reds have been missing something from their offense. Some terror that flaps in the night. Given some recent current events, I think I know just the thing to let the Reds get dangerous. Carlos Danger.

Here’s tonight’s lineup against the second-place St. Louis Cardinals, thanks to the Carlos Danger name generator.

1. Javier Sly, CF
2. Narciso Smash, LF
3. Jorge Sly, 1B
4. Mateo Menace, 2B
5. Ricardo Evil, RF
6. Efraín Verboten, 3B
7. Diego Threat, SS
8. Inigo Menace, C
9. Antonio Evil, P

That’s a whole lot of sly, evil menaces to tee off against the Cardinals. So long as there are no dick pics.