CINCINNATI, OH -- This is the true story of 40 baseball players, picked to play in an Ohio club and have their lives secretly taped, and find out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real.

At least that's the word from an anonymous source close to the project. According to the source, the Fox Network and the Cincinnati Reds entered into an agreement before the 2005 season to covertly collect footage for a reality show to air this fall. The program was to be called The Making of a Winner and the producers were hopeful that it would be a natural segue program to premiere immediately after the World Series.

However, when the high hopes of spring training failed to translate to a winning season, the Reds looked elsewhere for the provacative interactions typical of reality television, and struck programming gold.

The new format, working title The New Biggest Loser, will feature secret footage taken of highly charged interpersonal situations orchestrated by the Reds management. Highlights include the heart-wrenching separation and jubilant reunion of Adam Dunn and Austin Kearns, the awkward interaction of D'Angelo Jimenez and Ryan Freel at AA Chattanooga, and the jettisoning and eventual decent into madness of Danny Graves.

The program will also feature Scooter, Fox Sports' animated baseball character, as the narrator.

The New Biggest Loser will premiere next month and will air on Wednesdays at 9 p.m.

CINCINNATI, OH -- The Reds are looking at unconventional methods to take care of Ryan Freel's lingering toe issue.

The second toe on Freel's left foot became inflamed, preventing him from running and landing him on the DL retroactive to June 19 two weeks ago. The inflammation was caused by the second toe being longer than the first.

The problem is recurring and had always righted itself with treatment, but this time the malady is taking longer than expected to clear up. “Unless we can fix the source of this problem, it may never heal,” said Reds medical director, Dr. Timothy Kremcheck.

One option is to amputate the toe, or trim it down to the first knuckle. “But we're afraid that removal of all or part of the toe would interfere with [Freel's] ability to run,” said Kremcheck. “And it would be pretty gross.”

Kremcheck explained that the risk could be mitigated by replacing the toe with a prosthetic, a “bionic toe” in the same vein as the bionic arm used by Brandon Claussen earlier this season. “We could give it features that a regular toe just doesn't have,” said Kremcheck, “like extra strength and resiliency, or AM/FM radio.”

The most inventive procedure would be to augment Freel's current big toe with plastic surgery to bring it into proper proportion with the second toe and relieve some of the pressure causing the inflammation. This procedure is not commonly seen in the sports world but has been used for years for actors, models, and dancers afflicted with Godzilla Toe. A notable side benefit of plastic surgery is that it would give Freel beautiful feet should he ever decide to pursue a career modeling sandals.

Presented with the options, Freel was less than enthusiastic. “I was hoping I could just get some shoe inserts or something,” he said.

CINCINNATI, OH -- A local animal rights' group has called for a boycott of Cincinnati's newest church because they say part of the worship service is cruel to insects.

The Church of Dunn began in 2001 when a handful of avid Reds fans began congregating to worship Adam Dunn most nights of the week. The congregation testifies about the batting order, sings the praises of the Holy Threesome of True Outcomes, and cuts the head off a horsefly with a ceremonial saber before each game.

The ritualistic killing of the horsefly is the part that has the animals rights' organization up in arms.

“Insects are living creatures and are entitled to protection from this kind of behavior,” said Jim I. Nee, leader of the animal rights' organization. “Why can't this group plant a tree instead?”

The congregation's leader, who would only identify himself as Brother OPS, explained that changing the ritual was impossible.

“Our tenets are very strict,” said Brother OPS. “We must keep a sacred chair in our homes only for Dunn. We must ponder the zen of his bobblehead three times per day. And, most importantly, we absolutely must sacrifice flies.”

Without legal recourse, the animal rights group says they will maintain their boycott.

“He strikes out too much anyway,” said Nee.

CLEVELAND, OH -- After tonight's game against the Cleveland Indians, Reds' Chief Operating Officer John Allen announced plans for additional bobblehead giveaways through the remainder of the 2005 season.

Cleveland gave away bobbleheads depicting catcher Victor Martinez at tonight's game, an event that Martinez commemorated with three hits including a homerun. Add to that the recent memory of Wily Mo Peña's monster production on his own bobblehead night a few weeks ago, and giving away more of the promotional figurines was a no-brainer, according to Allen.

“If bobbleheads are what it takes to spark these guys, that's what we're going to do,” said Allen.

The first players to be honored will be the three who hit homeruns in the top of the ninth in tonight's game: Jason Romano, Felipe Lopez, and Javier Valentín.

Romano's bobblehead is likely to be the best-looking but also the most controversial. Some Reds fans have already announced that they will boycott the game where they are given out. “Seems like a lot of fuss over a backup,” said Allen of the boycott.

The idea for a Lopez bobblehead had to come a long way to finally see fruition. Plans for the Lopez statuettes began last season but continually took a backseat as the team considered bids for Barry Larkin, Anderson Machado, and most recently, Rich Aurilia bobbleheads. “Competition among bobbleheads is good for the team,” explained Allen.

“Javier has been surprisingly impressive lately and this should be a very popular give-away,” said Allen of the Valentín figurine. The figurine will be about half the size of a traditional bobblehead and will prominently feature Valentín's signature mustache.

Additional player bobbleheads will be announced as opportunities to encourage players who are getting hot present themselves. Leading candidates currently include Jason LaRue, Joe Randa, and Ken Griffey, Jr.

“Hopefully we'll even get around to one for Milton,” said Allen.

Red Hot Mama got the rare opportunity to sit down with Fan Favorite Joe Randa recently and ask him eight stupid questions about his favorite things.

RHM: Joe, you have two sons. If you'd had a daughter, what would you have named her?
JR: Probably Fernanda, or maybe Miranda.

RHM: Do you have a favorite kind of music?
JR: I've always been partial to banda.

RHM: Favorite black and white mammal?
JR: It's gotta be the panda.

RHM: Favorite place to drink iced tea?
JR: On the veranda.

RHM: Favorite form of interdepartmental communication?
JR: You can't beat memoranda.

RHM: Favorite African nation?
JR: I've always wanted to visit Uganda.

RHM: Most powerful tool of cold-war era communism?
JR: Definitely propaganda.

RHM: Favorite Spanish dessert?
JR: What else coud it be but flan? Duh.