Apparently Adam Dunn cleared waivers.

The Reds traded Dunn to the Arizona Diamonbacks today for minor league right-hand pitcher Dallas Buck and two players to be named later. Based entirely on the fact that “Dallas Buck” sounds like an apt description for Dunn, I’m liking this deal so far.

You might wonder how, without their OPS machine, the Reds are going to score any runs at all, and you’d have a valid point (and an opinion that many others are likely to share). However, Dunn’s offensive production has failed to translate into wins thus far in his career; maybe taking it away will put the pressure on the rest of the team to step it up. Plus, Dunn will get a chance to play on a non-sucking team for a change.

It *is* weird, though, to have the final piece of the Kearns, Griffey, and Dunn outfield dismantled.

Tonight, the first 30,000 lucky fans to Great American Ball Park will receive this bobblehead of Adam Dunn “sporting 1980s threads.” Some think the outfit is Don Johnson-esque. Others say Spencer from “The Hills.” I heard Brandon Phillips on the radio yesterday say that the bobblehead made Dunn look like Clay Aiken.

My first thought, though, was that it’s a Roxbury suit, as if fake news from 2005 is till rattling around in the Reds’ collective consciousness:

The search for the bat took Kearns and Dunn on a wacky adventure through Denver, starting at a local high-end tailor. They had apparently had matching irridescent suits made because they wanted to look “just like those Night-at-the-Roxbury dudes on Saturday Night Live.”

“What Is Love?” by Haddaway blasted in the background as the two tried on the new suits. That’s when they noticed the tattoos on their backs.

“Dude, what does mine say?” asked Dunn.
“’Donkey,’ what does mine say?” Kearns replied.
“Dude, how many times do I have to tell you that only chicks can call me that, and what does mine say?” Dunn responded.
“They fit all that on my back?” asked a bewildered Kearns.

They are playing Colorado, which is who they were playing when this story took place, and putting Dunn in a fancy suit with a big gold chain seems otherwise irrelevant to the game. On the other hand, the intern who came up with this idea was probably too young to be reading RHM in 2005, just as Dunn, born in 1979 in Texas, would have been too young (and Texan) to ever have worn that suit.

Looks good on him, though. He ought to consider it.

Ah well you may have noticed I have been curiously absent from the postings here at RHM. That is because, like you, I am in a state of absolute shock about the way this season has begun. Aaron Harang 1-5 with an ERA below 3? Just how cursed are we here? And more importantly how do we rid ourselves of this curse?

Well if your like me (and that would mean you are drinking beer morning to night while walking thru this nightmare) then you are ready to cut ties with Ken Griffey Jr. and Adam Dunn. Is it because we don’t believe they can turn it around? No not really. Its because they make a combined 25 million dollars while you and I are wondering if we can afford to go out to eat in a sit down restaurant tomorrow.

Did you see the play by Adam Dunn a series ago where he actually threw the ball backwards off the wall, allowing an inside the park homerun? Well, I tell you I meant to post that very day but watching that buffoonery has affected my own reflexes. And as I mentioned I am drinking constantly so forgive me for my tardy commentary on that particular play, but suffice it to say that I had a flashback to a scene in the Bad News Bears where that kid Lupus tried to pick up the ball and throw it unsuccessfully 3 times in a row. Buttermaker, the manager, on my wavelength apparently, numbs his thoughts with a constant beer supply while seated in the dugout. eventually he comes out and signals forfeit as his team cannot record an out.

The worst and best part of all of this is that the two unknown major variables, Johnny Cueto and Edinson Volquez, have been for the most part lights out. Okay Cueto blew up on one of his starts (and look back at my predictions and you’ll see I predicted that would happen based on his spring training results) but nontheless we could not have asked for better combined numbers for two new entries in the rotation. The bullpen is vastly improved from last season. The failures of this young season fall squarely on the shoulders of the offense. And believe it or not Paul Bako is not the culprit. No, in fact Paul Bako is gonna win the Joe Randa award for most amazing season by a low wage player. Seriously, at this juncture I wouldn’t mind seeing Bako batting fourth, if nothing else just to shame the rest of the team.

I didn’t want to call up Bailey and Bruce prematurely, but that was only in the case that we were within sniffing distance of a pennant race. Clearly that is not the case here. We are in major BLOW IT UP AND REBUILD THE DAMN THING mode. I expect Dunn and Griffey to get moved soon. The writing is on the wall. Today Griffey told USA Today he wanted to play for a contender and that “everyone wants to return to where they started.” If they want him in Seattle I think that is win-win as we need to start thinking about next year and Griffey at 16 million would be utter madness. If they fail to trade him this year they would have to exercise a 4 million dollar buy out.

All I ask is this: if we do indeed dump Griffey and/or Dunn we the fans should get a bone thrown our way. I’m talking about one dollar dogs and one dollar softdrinks for the rest of the season. I don’t think that is unreasonable. I wouldn’t mind watching a rebuilding project if I can kick back at a modest price. Otherwise there is no chance I would attend a game unless I got a free ticket.

Since we last spoke GM Wayne Krivsky was given the boot and Walt Jocketty was coronated. Walt, what the hell are you doing? Do you see the debacle that is our season? Can you please do something to show us that you have some general disapproval of the way the team is performing, beside swapping Bray and Weathers back and forth? We’re pissed as hell at the players but you aren’t exactly hiding in the shadows right now. Get your ass in gear!

Well my buzz is fading into a gentle numbness, and that isn’t gonna do the job, so I must go now to seek out my next beer. Good luck fellow Reds fan, try not to inflict bodily harm on yourself. I know it is tempting. Believe me, I know all to well.

Marc mentions in passing that Adam Dunn is a new father, and that’s the reason he won’t be at Redsfest this weekend. Bring the boy, I say!

I wondered why I’d been getting hits on searches for “Adam Dunn baby” for the last couple weeks.

Adam Dunn is a big, goofy-looking guy from Texas. You’d think he’d be thick, but he’s quick with a joke, a put-down, and the occasional profound sentiment.

ThinkExist.com has several of Dunn’s quips:

• I like this park. I don’t like that it has a first-base dugout, though, cause I have to run further [to left field]. We even have that at home. Can we change that?
• Cincinnati needs to take notes from Houston. Houston fans are among the top five fans in the game.
• Yeah, I had it checked this week and the doctor said I should put a splint on it, but the heck with that.

JockBios has a page of quotes from Dunn:

• At Texas, I was a football player playing baseball. And the way I play I think I still am.
• It�s great. I�m the only person that actually has claim to that record [most strikeouts in a season].
• Cincinnati is perfect for me. I’ve met a lot of good people there who like to fish.

JockBios also has quotes about Dunn.

• He’s a tireless worker. You don’t have to go ask him twice to come out for early work or extra batting practice or extra fly balls. �Reds coach Bill Doran (Editor’s Note: Yeah, but you do have to ask him once. *rimshot*)

The wording’s probably off on this one, because it’s from my memory of an FSN pregame:
(Upon being told that he looked like Will Ferrel):

• I saw that guy streaking in that movie Old School and he didn’t look good at all. He looked like…you know Jimmy Anderson, right?

My own partner in crime, JinAZ has been collecting some quotes as well:

• 4/6/06
  “They all count the same, whether they go one row in like Junior’s or 500 feet.” -Dunn, on his 470-foot shot that went between the smoke stacks and hit a car outside of GABP.
• 4/5/06
  “Looks like we got a two-tool player. I haven’’t seen him run yet.” – Dunn, on Bronson Arroyo after his winning debut as a Red. Arroyo pitched a good game and also hit a home run.
• 3/20/06
  “He is a nerd, but a nice nerd. It’’s a good thing he was born to hit or he would have been the kid in grade school who gets his lunch money taken away from him every day.” – Dunn, to a Pittsburgh writer on former teammate Sean Casey (thanks to redleg nation for the link)
• 3/10/06
  “How are we gonna score? Eddie’s not in there…” – Dunn, on Edwin Encarnación, who had the day off in spring training. EdE hit 0.357/0.416/0.771/1.187 with 6 home runs in 70 AB’s this spring.

Updated 4/30/2006:

• 4/25/2006
  About all the home runs flying out of the park, “I like the juiced-ball theory because it makes me laugh the most.” (Red Reporter)
• 4/29/2006
  On his home run drought, “I’m trying to wait to start hitting homers while [Griffey’s] out. I don’t want to get too far ahead of him.” (Reds MLB.com Notes: Team Player)