Today at the Red Hot Household we’re holding our annual end-of-summer party. Coincidentally, this year the event happens to fall on my uncle’s birthday, so I thought it would be nice to make cupcakes. Then I realized it’s also Joey Votto’s birthday, so heck, why not make him one too?

I suppose if I were a true fan, I would have at least used red icing, and/or made the cupcake look like a baseball or maple leaf or something. But I’m not that obsessed; I’m just a woman with an extra cupcake and a rudimentary knowledge of baseball players’ birthdays.

I saw this nostalgic look back at Adam Dunn and Austin Kearns on Redleg Nation today.

The duo was going to, if you believed Jim Bowden’s hype, form one of the greatest outfields of all time.

And it was easy to believe in him. Dunn was a tall, incredibly strong young man when he arrived in 2001, with no foreshadow of the flabby oaf he would one day become. Kearns would be his counterpart, a coveted five-tool player. (Six-tool, if you counted his ability to make up for Dunn’s ineptitude in left field.)

Of course, that didn’t happen. Instead we were left with losing years and futile hopes. And a lingering hatred of Ray King’s fat ass.

Oh, and one of my favorite fake news stories that RHM ever wrote: Dude, Where’s My Bat.

According to this story about smiles on Shine, a study of old baseball player photos showed a correlation between a big grin and longevity:

People with big grins live longer. In a study published last year, researchers pored over an old issue of the Baseball Register, analyzing photos of 230 players. They found that on average, the guys with bright, bigmouthed beams lived 4.9 years longer than the players with partial smiles, and 7 years longer than the players who showed no grin at all. We can’t credit wide smiles for long life spans, of course, but smiles reveal positive feelings, and positive feelings are linked to well-being.

It’s funny how just reading “players who showed no grin at all” brings to mind so many team photos of guys who are simply too tough to smile. I wonder if the lesson here isn’t really, “taking yourself too damn seriously shortens your life.” It would certainly lead to more aggressive driving, bar brawls, and other macho nonsense.

But, of course, there’s one dude on the current team who is always sporting a big smile, and is therefore on the fast track to longevity. Don’t give away *everything* in your Twitter contests, B-Phil; you may need to support yourself for a long time yet.

I am so glad that Jay Bruce has had two weeks this season where he has been the best of the best, earning himself the Player of the Week award. From Reds.com:

Bruce, the 12th overall selection in the 2005 First-Year Player Draft, led all Major League players in RBIs (15), total bases (28) and slugging percentage (1.120) last week. The 24-year-old also tied for the lead in home runs (five) and in runs scored (nine).

And his standout week didn’t end there. Bruce also ranked in the top five among NL hitters in batting average (.440), hits (11) and on-base percentage (.481). Bruce homered and drove in four runs last Monday, and he came back to hit another home run in Wednesday’s victory.

Now what I’d like from him is to hear the Player of the Season Award. Hopefully that’s what we have to look forward to in 2012.