There are times I get tired of reading about, writing about, and thinking about the Reds sucking, so today I’m reading about, writing about, and thinking about a former Red sucking. I knew that Adam Dunn wasn’t having a good year, but I didn’t realize the epicness of his fail until I noticed a story about it today on the brain candy “news” stories that Yahoo! presents to me every morning when I start up Messenger.

He is in the first year of a four-year, $56 million contract with the Chicago White Sox, who signed him as a free agent to bat fourth as designated hitter, and if the season ended today he’d own the worst average in the live-ball era by more than 20 points.

But it’s not just the batting average. We’re halfway through the season, and Dunner is rocking a big fat 49 bases on balls and 9 whole home runs. Adam Dunn–Mr. OPS–has an OPS of .588. Ouch.

So what the hell’s wrong with him? Well, that’s the question, isn’t it? He doesn’t seem to be hurt, he’s certainly isn’t over the hill, and no one has, that I know of, removed his massage chair from the clubhouse and stashed it in the apparently unused team chapel. It’s bad enough, though, that the word “quit” is entering his commentary:

“If I’m not having fun anymore, I’ll go home,” Dunn told Yahoo! Sports. “Flat out. I’ll go home. I mean that. Swear to goodness. I’ll. Go. Home. I enjoy playing. Even though I suck. Or have been sucking. I enjoy playing the game. Love it. But as soon as I lose that, I’m gone, dude. It’s true.

“How many games can you play doing this? This is ridiculous. You get to a point, and you’re like …”

You get to a point, and you’re like… Yeah, man, I hear what you’re saying.

The Jonny Gomes Bobblehead giveaway is coming up at Great American Ballpark this Saturday, July 23. And the Cincinnati Reds have put out this short video advertising it by having other Reds players attempt to perform Gomes’ trademark helmet wobble.

It’s quite entertaining and worth 30 seconds of your time. Of course, it’s strangely un-embeddable. You know, how you want your ads to be. Anyway, check it out here.

And don’t miss the blink-and-you’ll-miss-it appearance by Joey Votto.

Aroldis Chapman made his return to the major league playing field tonight, and he did not disappoint. Though his ninth inning appearance against the Baltimore Orioles did come with a 5-run lead, it still wasn’t exactly a no-pressure situation. After all, before he went on the DL, he might have gotten the loss in this situation.

But not tonight. Tonight, Chapman was all strike-outs, mowing down Matt Wieters, Mark Reynolds, and Robert Andino. The last pitch I saw clocked in at 101 mph. That’s the good stuff people pay to see.

So, welcome back, Chapman. We’re all looking forward to you outperforming Bad-royo the rest of the season.

Jay Bruce takes player of the month honors in May and is the first Red to do so since Adam Dunn did it in 2006. With as hot as he’s been, can the June award be far behind? — Amanda

Cincinnati Reds right fielder Jay Bruce has been voted the Budweiser Presents National League Player of the Month for May. Budweiser, the official beer sponsor of Major League Baseball and sponsor for 24 of 30 MLB clubs, is also the presenting sponsor of the National League and American League Player of the Month Awards.

In 28 games this past month, the left-handed hitting slugger had a Major League-best 12 home runs and 33 RBI, while leading the National League in runs scored (23), slugging percentage (.739) and extra-base hits (19). Bruce’s 38 hits were tied for third among National Leaguers and his .342 (38-for-111) batting average was tied for fourth.

The Texas native’s home run and RBI totals were the highest in a calendar month by a Reds batter since Adam Dunn’s 12 long balls in July 2008 and Greg Vaughn’s 33 RBI in September 1999. On May 10th, the 24-year-old powered the Reds to a 10-4 win over the visiting Houston Astros, going 3-for-4 with a double and a home run. On May 24th, Bruce’s ninth-inning double off of Philadelphia reliever Ryan Madson broke a 3-3 tie and led the Reds to a 6-3 victory at Citizens Bank Park.

He earned his second career N.L. Player of the Week Award after clubbing four home runs and leading the Majors with 13 RBI and 25 totals bases during the week of May 23-29. The 12th overall selection in the 2005 First-Year Player Draft notched his fifth three-RBI performance of the month on May 30th, going 3-for-4 with a triple and a home run as the Reds defeated the Brewers, 7-3, at Great American Ball Park. Bruce’s 46 RBI are tied for first in the Majors this season and his 17 home runs lead the National League. His 32 home runs since August 2010 are the most in the N.L during that span. This marks his first-career monthly award.

Other players receiving votes included shortstop Jose Reyes of the New York Mets, who led the National League with a .364 batting average and 11 stolen bases while collecting 40 hits; Astros outfielder
Hunter Pence, who batted .342 with 40 hits, four home runs and 22 RBI on the month; and Washington’s Mike Morse, who had six home runs and 15 RBI in only 64 plate appearances.

The Budweiser Presents National League Player of the Month, Jay Bruce, will receive a specially designed trophy, suitably engraved, in recognition of his accomplishment.

Here at the Red Hot Household, there are several phrases you hear during Reds games, such as:

• Damn, Joey Votto can hit!
• Shut up, Thom

and

• Why is Scott Rolen hitting fourth again??

For, you see, we do not approve of having the guy who hasn’t been able to hit the broad side of a barn since he returned from injury batting clean up. Love the guy, and he’s a great presence. All I’m saying is a guy can demonstrate his intangibles from the 6 hole.

You’d have to be in a coma since April not to realize the Jay Bruce is on-freakin’-fire right now. Not only was the dude the player of the week, but he’s also been the massive bright spot on a team that’s been pretty much in the dark lately. He’s the clear choice to protect our reigning MVP.

But that would put two lefties next to each other in the order, you might say. You might, like Dusty Baker, think that the two will be easy prey for the opponent’s lefty specialist. But here are three reasons that doesn’t matter here:

• Both Votto and Bruce can hit lefties. Like, better than anyone can. John Fay says, “Votto was leading National League in hitting against left-hander at .426 going into Tuesday. Bruce was fourth .381.” (Baker’s response to that was to not understand it and pretend it wasn’t said, which is his typical response to statistics.)
• Which, for those of us who have difficulty following a line of reasoning to its logical conclusion, means that it would NOT be effective for the opposing team to use a left specialist against them. The opposing team would either realize this and not even try, or they *would* try and would ineffectively burn through a pitcher. And given the number of extra innings games the Reds seem to be getting themselves into lately, baiting the other team to burn an extra pitcher can only be a good thing.
• Finally, even if it did work in the opposition’s favor to put in the LOOGY (even these studs get out more than half the time), it would have worked in ONE inning. A team that leaves an average of 7.2 runners on base per game gets plenty of ABs (if not so many RBI), making that one inning less that pivotal.

Besides, you’ve known since little league that you bat your better hitters higher. And no, Dusty, that doesn’t mean have him lead off. Oh lord, you’re going to have him lead off, aren’t you?