Unafraid of the curse, Joey Votto will appear on the cover of Sports Illustrated on August 30, 2010.

I’m about as unsuperstitious as they come, but I will point out that the last Red to appear on the cover of this magazine was Ken Griffey, Jr., and we all know how that turned out.

It’s a common for magazine covers to have numerals in their headlines. For some reason, plugging stories like “5 Easy Ways to Lose Your Gut at the Game” and “The 0 Best Places for Ball Park Sushi” are just really appealing to readers.

But this cover features only one numeral: the 19 on Votto’s chest. Even the secondary story about the kindergartner-slugger breaks AP style by spelling out an age. Apparently that 19 carries a lot of weight all on its own.

That, and the come-hither look Votto’s giving the newstand passer-by, a smoldering look that seems to say, “Me? Cursed? I’ve already survived Dusty Baker: I’m untouchable.”

If you’ve been reading RHM, or following me on Twitter, or watching my Facebook updates, or talking to me in person, or in any other way sensing the vibes that I have been emitting into the cosmos, you know that I have been less-than-pleased with the acquisition of Jim Edmonds.

To put it in perspective, I was more upset about this acquisition than about the reports that the Reds are planning to extend the contract of Dusty Baker, the hiring of whom inspired me to take “Cincinnati” right out of the site’s tagline and add pictures of the freakin’ Pirate Parrot to the banner image at the top of the front page. Though, to be fair, Dusty Baker has sucked a whole lot less in the recent past. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of Jim Edmonds.

The other night, Redleg Nation tweeted something to the effect that eventually they’d have to start cheering for Edmonds because “he’s one of us now.” To which I replied, “he’s about as much one of us as Corey Patterson…and he’s about as productive so far.” To which, Rocktman65 replied, “but 2 hits will surpass that.”

Two hits. And just 13 ABs into his time with the Reds, Edmonds–the guy who was brought aboard for his bat–is halfway there.

My complaints about Edmonds are not about what we gave up to get him. As much as I liked Chris Dickerson (I always have a soft spot for the guys I get to talk to in person, and I got to talk with him at a Reds Caravan one year), heaven knows he wasn’t going to get any play in the Reds’ overcrowded outfield, and he’s actually getting a shot with the Brewers.

No, my complaints are about who Baker will inevitably block with Edmonds: any of a number of young, deserving outfielders. Five of them–Drew Stubbs, Chris Heisey, Laynce Nix, Jonny Gomes, and Jay Bruce–some more deserving than others, but none safe from the “intangibles” that Baker is so confident over-the-hill players bring to the field. For those of you keeping count, that’s six outfielders, certainly too many, and it ain’t Edmonds who’s gonna get sent down.

But yesterday, when Joey Votto got ejected from the game (apparently for an offensive jut to his chiseled chin), with Paul Janish already in for the injured Orlando Cabrera and Miguel Cairo already spelling Scott Rolen, it was Edmonds who came in to cover first.

And suddenly I realized a way I could get on board with Edmonds on the roster: backing up the corner infield.

I mean, this dude used to be all that in the outfield, but his range is better suited to the infield these days. Leaping to catch high drives might be similar to snagging one over the wall, and surely the throw from third to first isn’t any harder than the one from center to second.

And with a couple All-Stars in the full-time positions, I won’t have to worry that he’ll be getting too many starts. Either he’ll be a bat off the bench, getting a couple starts a month, or he’ll take a screamer down the line to the shin and we won’t see him for the rest of the season. Either way, I won’t have to worry about him too much.

Maybe I’ll even be inspired to take down the Parrot.

So, last night, Brandon Phillips went to the press to let them know his opinion of the St. Louis Cardinals:

We have to beat these guys. I hate the Cardinals. All they do is bitch and moan about everything, all of them, they’re little bitches, all of ‘em. I really hate the Cardinals. Compared to the Cardinals, I love the Chicago Cubs. Let me make this clear – I hate the Cardinals.

Exquisite. I mean, it’s exactly what I’ve been saying since the opening series, but just beautifully put. The eloquence brings a tear to my eye.

And ain’t it the truth? Here’s an excerpt from a post here on RHM back in May:

The Cardinals don’t seem to realize what a serious problem they have. Carp getting huffy when someone shows frustration, Card bloggers saying Gomes shouldn’t flip his bat, Card commentators saying the umps should show respect to Pujols. It’s one thing to go onto the field expecting to win; it’s another thing to go onto the field expecting people to let you win. This sense of entitlement screams sick culture. If the Cards were a Fortune 500 company, they’d be on their way to hostile takeover.

See? Phillips said it a lot better.

And it hasn’t changed a bit since then. Carpenter was bitching at Brendan Ryan just yesterday for being a minute late getting on the field because he was back in the batting cage. How dare he make the great one wait for the likes of practicing?

And now today, as Phillips approached the plate to take his AB, Yadier Molina did the totally-non-bitchy thing and kicked his bat. Before you know it, the benches and the bullpens are cleared. In the words of a person who actually saw it:

But it erupted when Rolen went after Chris Carpenter. Several wrestling matches broke out. Johnny Cueto, the starting pitcher, could be seen kicking at someone.

Dusty Baker was in the middle of it, shouting at someone. A couple of players were in a pile on the ground. Jonny Gomes came out of it with a torn shirt.

It all ended with the manager ejected and the fans itching for more. There may be some street fights in the streets after the game. Tomorrow, we’ll think about suspensions, but tonight, we enjoy the glee that comes from smacking down a little bitch.

If the Reds go to the World Series this year, Dusty Baker will manage the NL All-Star team in 2011. Dude, that team would have an ass-load of Reds on it. Like, enough to make up for the last decade.

Of course, knowing Baker, that team would also have an ass-load of random crappy ex-Cubs. Corey Patterson, Neify Perez, and Jerry Hairston, Jr. FTW!