Right now, he’s about to break the record for the number of homers hit in the first round of the Home Run Derby, and he still has two outs to go.

The old dude pitching to him has GOT to be tired.

I’ve been out of the loop for a week, so I might be the last one to have read this touching story. It’s about Jay Bruce and his relationship with his sister Kellan, who was born with her umbilical cord wrapped around her neck, leaving her delayed.

Yet, if you ask Bruce, he’ll say what he’s done pales to the week’s accomplishments of his 26-year-old sister, who was born with her umbilical cord wrapped twice around her neck. Although that left her with some mental challenges, she is unequalled in the human lessons she is able to impart.

….

“Kellan has always been afraid to fly — and she’s been deathly afraid of escalators, too — but she did both when we came up here for the game,” said the eldest of three Bruce children, 31-year-old Amy Gore.

“We flew from Houston to Atlanta, rode the people mover at the airport there, and then caught a flight into Dayton. Once we drove to our hotel, Kellan rode another escalator.

“So when we finally got to the ballpark and saw Jay, the first thing she told him was how she flew on a plane and rode an escalator. That was her home run. It was like she conquered Mount Everest.

OK, they lose a few points for schmaltz and overuse of paragraph breaks, but it’s obviously really a big deal for the family. Now let’s bring it on home with a quote from someone who knows nothing about it:

Although he doesn’t know anything about the relationship between Bruce and his sister, Reds veteran relief pitcher Kent Mercker talked about that appreciation the rookie shows:

“It’s amazing to watch what he’s doing. Obviously, physically he’s got everything he needs, but the thing that matters most is how guys react when they first get up here.

“Some try to play too hard and do more than they’re capable of. Others think they have it figured out before they get here. They think they belonged here long before this, and there’s a sense (of entitlement.)

“But he seems to appreciate this. He’s got a real understanding.”

That’s nice to hear, in contrast to that Homer Bailey character.

Bruce — who often calls his sister and tells her he loves her — quietly tried to explain some of this Sunday: “She didn’t get the chances in life I was blessed with and yet she enjoys everything — riding her bike, listening to music, everything. She puts everything in perspective and helps me not take anything for granted.”

TMZ has posted a fan/stalker-wannabe video of Ken Griffey Jr. walking from a restaurant to a taxi.

That’s blogs for you, bringing you video that the mainstream media can’t, nay, won’t. I commend them for it. Griffey leads a Salinger-esque private life, and obtaining any moving pictures of him walking over the past 20 years has been very difficult.

And bleeping out innocuous crowd noises? Priceless.

The other day during a rain delay, Fox Sports Ohio passed some of the time by talking with Junior about his game-related superstitions. Thanks to the Crack Technical Staff for capturing the details.

Griffey likes to drive the same car to the park every day. If two days in a row, he doesn’t get any hits, he won’t drive that car the third day. If he doesn’t get any hits for a week, he ships the car back to his home in Florida and has a new car brought up.

Griffey refuses to use a game bat if someone else uses it.

Junior always walks to home plate the same way. He likes to lead with his right foot going into the batter’s box. When dugout on the third base side, waits for the umpire and catcher to settle before heading to the box.

Griffey doesn’t eat leftovers (except for after the Thanksgiving meal).

In pursuit of the grace of the baseball gods, he has taken showers fully clothed and has also thrown away an entire uniform.

When Griff was with the Mariners, teammate Jay Buhner had a 4-hit night. In a demonstration of how far he’s willing to go, Griffey sneaked into Buhner’s house that evening and placed his bat between Buhner and his wife. Apparently, some of the hitting rubbed off on the bat because Griffey got a couple hits the next day.

Ah well you may have noticed I have been curiously absent from the postings here at RHM. That is because, like you, I am in a state of absolute shock about the way this season has begun. Aaron Harang 1-5 with an ERA below 3? Just how cursed are we here? And more importantly how do we rid ourselves of this curse?

Well if your like me (and that would mean you are drinking beer morning to night while walking thru this nightmare) then you are ready to cut ties with Ken Griffey Jr. and Adam Dunn. Is it because we don’t believe they can turn it around? No not really. Its because they make a combined 25 million dollars while you and I are wondering if we can afford to go out to eat in a sit down restaurant tomorrow.

Did you see the play by Adam Dunn a series ago where he actually threw the ball backwards off the wall, allowing an inside the park homerun? Well, I tell you I meant to post that very day but watching that buffoonery has affected my own reflexes. And as I mentioned I am drinking constantly so forgive me for my tardy commentary on that particular play, but suffice it to say that I had a flashback to a scene in the Bad News Bears where that kid Lupus tried to pick up the ball and throw it unsuccessfully 3 times in a row. Buttermaker, the manager, on my wavelength apparently, numbs his thoughts with a constant beer supply while seated in the dugout. eventually he comes out and signals forfeit as his team cannot record an out.

The worst and best part of all of this is that the two unknown major variables, Johnny Cueto and Edinson Volquez, have been for the most part lights out. Okay Cueto blew up on one of his starts (and look back at my predictions and you’ll see I predicted that would happen based on his spring training results) but nontheless we could not have asked for better combined numbers for two new entries in the rotation. The bullpen is vastly improved from last season. The failures of this young season fall squarely on the shoulders of the offense. And believe it or not Paul Bako is not the culprit. No, in fact Paul Bako is gonna win the Joe Randa award for most amazing season by a low wage player. Seriously, at this juncture I wouldn’t mind seeing Bako batting fourth, if nothing else just to shame the rest of the team.

I didn’t want to call up Bailey and Bruce prematurely, but that was only in the case that we were within sniffing distance of a pennant race. Clearly that is not the case here. We are in major BLOW IT UP AND REBUILD THE DAMN THING mode. I expect Dunn and Griffey to get moved soon. The writing is on the wall. Today Griffey told USA Today he wanted to play for a contender and that “everyone wants to return to where they started.” If they want him in Seattle I think that is win-win as we need to start thinking about next year and Griffey at 16 million would be utter madness. If they fail to trade him this year they would have to exercise a 4 million dollar buy out.

All I ask is this: if we do indeed dump Griffey and/or Dunn we the fans should get a bone thrown our way. I’m talking about one dollar dogs and one dollar softdrinks for the rest of the season. I don’t think that is unreasonable. I wouldn’t mind watching a rebuilding project if I can kick back at a modest price. Otherwise there is no chance I would attend a game unless I got a free ticket.

Since we last spoke GM Wayne Krivsky was given the boot and Walt Jocketty was coronated. Walt, what the hell are you doing? Do you see the debacle that is our season? Can you please do something to show us that you have some general disapproval of the way the team is performing, beside swapping Bray and Weathers back and forth? We’re pissed as hell at the players but you aren’t exactly hiding in the shadows right now. Get your ass in gear!

Well my buzz is fading into a gentle numbness, and that isn’t gonna do the job, so I must go now to seek out my next beer. Good luck fellow Reds fan, try not to inflict bodily harm on yourself. I know it is tempting. Believe me, I know all to well.