The Crack Technical Staff wrote up a docket of topics this week, so there’s some actual content in between the ramblings in this episode. Topics include:

Reds not the most newsworthy team for a minute.

Astros sign Kaz Matsui (3 yrs, $15 M).

Cardinals sign Cesar Izturis (1 yr, $2.85 M).

Pirates involved in trade rumors.

• Jason Bay. Indians: Pittsburgh would get catcher Kelly Shoppach and left-hander Cliff Lee for the two-time All-Star.
• Xavier Nady, Matt Morris, and Jack Wilson are also on the trading block. At one point last week, Morris and Wilson were both attached to the Cardinals.

Brewers

• Rumored to be close to signing reliever David Riske to a multi-year deal.
• Rumor of sending starter Greg Capuano to the Cardinals for Scott Rolen.
• Andruw Jones might be interested in signing.

Cubs mostly happy that they lost the Kaz Matsui sweepstakes, but are interested in Kosuke Fukudome, or at least the bloggers are.

• Al at Bleed Cubbie Blue translated a letter into Japanese.
• Rob at The Goat Riders of the Apocalypse described Fukudome as the “best chance of ending the 99 years of misery.”

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Welcome to Red Hot Mama. Or if you’ve been here before, welcome back. For the past few weeks we’ve been taking an opportunity on Sunday to summarize the player transactions that have taken place in the NL Central during the previous week. There’s something here for everybody this week, so regardless of which NLC team you’re rooting for, crack a beer or grab a coffee and relax while RHM’s Crack Hard Facts Staff fills you in on how your team’s GM earned (or squandered, depending on your point of view) his salary this week.

To keep this post from growing into an encyclopedia, I’ve linked the first use of a player’s name to his page on Baseball-Reference.com so you can easily look up their stats yourself. Just point and click. Same as using a Smith & Wesson, but with much less mess as a result: The stats pages will open in a new window.

On 11/26, the Cubs signed RHP Kerry Wood to a one-year, $4.2 million deal, thus mercifully ending the speculation about Wood coming to Cinci to play for Dusty Baker.

On 11/27, the Astros signed  RHP Doug Brocail in a move previously reported here on RHM. (Side note: ex-Reds C Chad Moeller and IF William Bergolla were among the free agents signed by Washington on this date as current Nationals (and former Reds) GM Jim Bowden continued his obsession with former Reds players.

On 11/28:

• The Reds finalized their previously reported deal with closer Francisco “I’m Not Chad” Cordero.
• The Astros signed OF Jose Cruz Jr., IFs Kevin Hooper and Tomas Perez and LHP Stephen Randolph to minor league deals with invitations to spring training.
• The Brewers inked C Jason Kendall (son of Fred Kendall, who the Reds drafted in 1967) to a one-year contract that guarantees him $4.25 million this year. The lawyers must have had a field day with this one. Kendall can earn $1 million in performance bonuses next year: $100,000 for 110 games, $150,000 each for 120 and 130 games, $150,000 for 100 starts, $200,000 for 115 starts and $250,000 for 130 starts. The deal also includes a vesting option for 2009 that would become guaranteed at $4.25 million if Kendall starts 110 games next year, $4.35 million if he starts 120 games, and $4.6 million if he starts 130 games. In addition, any 2008 performance bonuses that Kendall earns based on games (but not starts) would be added to his 2009 base salary.
• The Pirates lost LHP Shane Youman, who was claimed off waivers by the Phillies. They also outrighted RHP Josh Sharpless to Class AAA Indianapolis and released 1B Josh Phelps.

On 11/30, the Cardinals DFA’ed OF John Rodriguez. (not the same John Rodriguez who kicked around the Padres’ farm system for a few years back in the late 1990’s). They also signed IF Cesar Izturis to a one-year, $2.85 million contract to replace David Eckstein as their regular shortstop. In addition to his base salary, Izturis can earn $650,000 in performance bonuses: $100,000 each for 400 and 450 plate appearances, and $150,000 each for 500, 550 and 600 plate appearances.

This move raises the question of who is going to be the Redbirds’ leadoff hitter next year. It’s probably not going to be Izturis. OF Rick Ankiel and 2B Adam Kennedy are two possinbilities that come to mind, but compare their OBPs to Eckstein’s. Not surprisingly, fans in the Cardinals’ newsgroup on Usenet are not happy with this move. One fan posted, “I hate to jump on the Fire Mozeliak bandwagon so soon, but…”

Anyway, that’s it, you’re now up to date on the wheelings and dealings in the NLC for the past week!

This week, it looks like each team’s MLB website was assigned to write a Winter Meeting Checklist and a story about the team’s biggest need. Of course, since they are the official sites, they have to sugar-coat the situation a little. I think these headlines merit a little translation.

Cardinals : “Cardinals Looking for More Pitching”
Translation :  We’re looking for the next wash-up or second rate reliever for Dave Duncan to turn into a star.

Reds : “Reds go to Meetings looking for pitching”
Translation : Anything we can do to be more like the Cardinals.

Brewers : “Melvin looking at many options for Brewers”
Translation : Option 1: find enough decent relievers to restock bullpen. Option 2: drink more beer.

Astros : “Astros seeking closer, help at second”
Translation :  If Clemens won’t come out of retirement as a starting pitcher, maybe he’d like to try second base.

Cubs : “Cubs hope to upgrade offense”
Translation : We really think it’s enough to bring back Kerry Wood.

Pirates :  “Pirates to play it by ear at Winter Meetings”
Translation : We have no idea what we’re doing.

The Houston Astros and 40-year old righthanded relief pitcher Doug Brocail have agreed to a one year, $2.5 million deal with a club option for 2009, according to numerous media sources.

Brocail played for the Astros in 1995 and 1996, appearing in 59 games and making 11 starts. He went 7-9 with one save and a 4.35 ERA. He spent last season with the Padres, making 67 relief appearances and going 5-1 with a 3.05 ERA.

Brocail has also pitched for the Rangers and Tigers during his 13-year major league career, compiling a career 44-43 record, with 7 saves and a 3.99 ERA. With San Diego last year, Brocail held opposing hitters to a .228 average, with left-handed hitters batting just .182 off him, fifth among right-handed pitchers in the NL.His 67 games and 76-2/3 IP pitched were his highest totals in both categories since 1999 with Detroit. Over the last two seasons with the Padres, Brocail went 7-3 with a 3.51 ERA.

With the additions of Brocail, Geoff Geary, and Oscar Villarreal, the Astros have now picked up three relievers who pitched in a combined 175 games last season.

On the Astros site, they call it acquiring three from Philadelphia:

The Houston Astros today acquired outfielder Michael Bourn, third baseman Michael Costanzo, and right-handed pitcher Geoff Geary from the Philadelphia Phillies in exchange for right-handed pitcher Brad Lidge and infielder Eric Bruntlett.

…

“One of our goals coming into the offseason was to find a quality speed centerfielder who could hit at the top of the order and give us a spark,” said Wade. “Bourn is an outstanding young player who will make an immediate impact and should be productive for a long time. Plus, his addition allows us to move Hunter Pence to right field, where he will continue to grow into the All-Star caliber player that we know he’s capable of becoming.”

More importantly, Bourn coming to the NLC will give Reds’ broadcaster Steve Stewart yet more chances to make one of his favorite jokes:

You could say he wasn’t born yesterday…but he was.