As I listen to Yadier Molina homer against the Rockies in this stupidly quiet second day of the season, I’m thinking about this press release I got in my inbox yesterday.

March 31, 2008

Missouri lawmaker takes on Major League Basebal

JEFFERSON CITY, Mo. – As Major League Baseball and its Player’s Association discuss a new drug testing policy, Missouri State Representative Jeff Roorda has filed legislation to let the MLB know what he thinks the new standards should be.

He filed legislation today that would prohibit state tax credits from going to professional sports teams in a league that does not place at least a one-year ban on athletes who test positive for anabolic steroids.

MLB’s current policy calls for such a ban only after the fourth failed test. Roorda’s legislation would call on professional sports league to place such a ban on a player after the first violation.

“Since when in baseball is it four strikes and you’re out?” Roorda, D-Barnhart, said. “What major league baseball and all professional sports leagues need are for their executives to step forward and take a strong stand to end the scandal of the steroid era. What we need is a modern-day Kenesaw Mountain Landis,” Roorda added, referring to the legendary baseball commissioner who exiled the Chicago Black Sox in 1920 and sent a powerful message to all of Major League Baseball that gambling would not be tolerated.

It goes on, but you get the gist. I haven’t been able to find any mentions of this in “legitimate” media, so it’s either an elaborate April Fool’s Day joke, or not very interesting. I’m not sure which: I’m afraid I’ve lose my sense of interesting on this stupidly boring second day of the season.

Though, I did get to hear the FSN Midwest tagline–“Where Cardinals fans come first!”–which gave me a good laugh. I’m pretty sure they’re faking it.

And I thought the sports radio talk show hosts in Cincinnati were bad.

Apparently, it’s worse in St. Louis, where the host doesn’t even bother attempting to know anything about baseball, instead sneakily getting coaches on-air and baiting them to embarass themselves.

Aren’t there a lot more interesting things to talk about on the eve of Opening Day? Sure the Cardinals aren’t being predicted to win the division or anything, but that hasn’t stopped them from surprising fans before.

If you can’t be positive and optimistic right before the season starts, when everyone’s in first place, perhaps there’s something wrong with you.  Or maybe you’re a sports radio talk show host.

Opening Day is here, and I know you don’t feel like concentrating on work. It’s time to get out the fun!

This awesome Who Wants to be a Millionaire-style quiz tests your knowledge of NLC teams: current trivia, history, and Red Hot Mama lore. Well, I think it’s awesome. Whether you do is about to be seen, I reckon. I bet you will. After all, it’s not work.

Thanks to the Crack Technical Staff for making this quiz work. Now go play!

Who Wants to Be an NLC Expert?

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Get the latest version of Flash here.

Opening Day is nearly here. Or technically I guess it’s already done, since it apparently happened on the other side of the world when I was getting ready to drive to work. What the hell is wrong with Bud Selig?

But the real Opening Day is nearly here, and after following these teams for a spring, it’s difficult to predict who will be the worst in the coming year.

I mean, there’s the perennial winner, the Cardinals, who are just awful. They’re counting on Rick Ankiel and Chris Duncan for all their offense other than Albert Pujols, and their rotation is empty without the great Chris Carpenter to anchor them. But on the other hand, Ankiel and Duncan do have some potential and they have rid themselves of David Eckstein.

They don’t look so bad when you look at the Astros. The Astros, not content with the worst farm system in the league, have completely dismantled their major league pitching organization to bring in the likes of Miguel Tejada and Kaz Matsui. Then again, they’re just starting this push for homers.

The Reds have been going down this ill-fated path for years. That won’t be a problem this year. The Reds promised to search the corners of the earth for just the right manager, and then hired the first guy who walked through the door. A guy who prefers lead-off hitters who get out more. A guy with a history of running young pitchers into the ground. A guy who really understands that black and Hispanic players are better than white players in day games.

But at least the Reds have some talent. How about those Pirates? There’s a team that wouldn’t know how to sign a number one draft pick even if they could manage to perform enough below mediocre to get one. And talk about a history of losing: 2008 is going to be consecutive losing season number 16 for this franchise.

Of course, no one can outdo the Cubs for losing. Losing their minds to blow all that money on Kosuke Fukudome, leaving them with no choice but to include Jason Marquis in the rotation. At least Ryan Dempster didn’t make it. Oh wait.

Which brings us to those Brewers.

Well, they’re pretty OK actually. I mean, they’re no Big Red Machine, but at least their fans don’t sit in such a constantly deranged state that they think just now cutting Mike Stanton heralds good things for the team.

So, yeah, I’ll go with them.

Our Brewers preview interview was postponed last night due to our recording equipment picking up an errant AM radio station. We’ll try again tomorrow, but in the meantime, the Crack Technical Staff and I catch up on what’s been going on around the division.

Ruh-roh, Astros

• Kaz Matsui has undergone surgery to repair his anal fissure. He’ll be out two to three weeks, and will miss the opening.
• Utility man Mark Loretta will replace Matsui.

Trouble Brewers
Manager Ned Yost has interesting plans for his lineup.

• Mike Cameron will bat 2nd when he returns from his drug suspension. Yost wants Cameron’s replacement to also bat 2nd, so as not to disrupt the delicate order of the line-up.
• Yost will have the pitcher bat 8th.

Tweet tweet Cardinals

• Finally signed Kyle Lohse for 1 year and $4.25 M. What the hell happened to the consensus best free agent starting pitcher? Collusion? Backlash against Scott Boras?

Da Cubs

• Rumors that the Cubs will trade with the Orioles for lead-off hitter Brian Roberts continue to abound and be squashed.
• Kerry Wood looks to be the closer for this season.
• Ryan Dempster might not make the starting rotation.

Ahoy! Pirates

• Steve Pearce, one of the Pirates best prospects was cut and send down to AAA camp.
• Starter Ian Snell signed a long-term deal ($8 M over three years). With options, could buy out a year of free agency.

Watch out for McCarthy, Reds

• Jeremy Affeldt has been moved to the bullpen.
• Rotation looks to be Aaron Harang, Bronson Arroyo, Josh Fogg, Johnny Cueto, and Edinson Volquez

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