10. Ryan Freel is healthy, well-rested, and (as far as I know) not in jail.
9. Now that Derrek Lee's contract is all wrapped up, he's on schedule to be injured.
8. Austin Kearns loves to play at Wrigley. Hey, stop looking at him covetously!
7. Sure, they swept the Cardinals, but did they really *learn* anything from the experience?
6. Bronson Arroyo is looking for home run #2.
5. Deep down, they want to lose. It's the only way to get rid of Dusty Baker.
4. Javy Valentín owns Greg Maddux. Yes, that will play into today's game.
3. Two words: Glendon Rusch.
2. They're all torn up because their deal with the Scrubby Bubble fell through.
1. It's just what they do.

If Ms. Scratcher can weather the storm currently raging over St. Louis and make it on-line, we'll make fun of those Cubs-wannabes as they play those White-Sox-wannabes in tonight's first game of the season.

Hey, remember when the Reds used to play the first game of the season? Me neither.

Cross-posted at Bellyitcher.

In an article on STLtoday.com last week, Tony La Russa waxes philosophical on what it would take to get him out of managing:

“I've got a contract through 2007, but if I feel, or ownership feels that I'm not putting everything into it, we walk away. That's it,” he said. “I'm not going to take their money if I feel something slipping. And they have the right to pull the plug if they don't like the way it's being handled. It's always been that way for me. I'm sincere about it. Right now, you say no way something like that could happen. But I've seen it happen. You never take it for granted.”

Sounds to me like he can already feel it coming on. I expect we'll start to see the changes in TLR's style pretty soon. At first it'll just be little stuff: getting a decent haircut, taking off the sunglasses, passing up opportunities for the suicide squeeze. But before you know it, he'll be departing completely from his usual self. That's right: this may be the season that we see only three pitching changes in a game.

That's when we'll know we've seen the end of La Russa.

So, yesterday I was looking to expand my horizons a little bit. Smack talking with bellyscratcher about those unfortunate St. Louis Cardinals has provided me great fun, a great reason to learn up on the Cards, and a great friend. I thought it couldn't do any harm to head over to Cubs-land and see how they responded to a little innocent jabbing.

No kidding, all I said on Goat Riders of the Apocolypse was:

What a coincidence: the Reds' backup catcher is a Latino Lover, too. More specifically, a Latin Love Machine.

I'm concerned about Prior. If he doesn't start the second game, whom will the Reds beat up on?

And that apparently garnered FOUR paragraphs dedicated to me in today's post:

Yesterday in the comments section, someone by the name of Red Hot Mama decided it was an appropriate time to lay down the smack, dissing the Cubs in favor of her beloved Reds team. RHM, let me just say this: The Cubs have gone 24-22 against the Reds in the last three years. I have to admit, that's pretty distressing since the Cubs have been way better than the Reds. It's actually kind of heart breaking to see that Chicago only has a two game advantage on Cincinnati in the last few years. True, the Reds sunk the Cubs in 2004, and dealt a few crushing blows in 2005. Actually, that's not fair. The Cubs sunk the Cubs. They just used the Reds-by-proxy.

It may be true that the statistically greatest Cub is a cheat, but the greatest Red isn't even allowed in the ballpark on most days and lived his own personal Brokeback Mountain every day for more than a year in the 90's for tax fraud. Don't get me wrong. The Reds are a good young team, but I wouldn't trust the Reds organization with managing a lemonaid stand, and certainly I wouldn't trust them to manage a baseball team.

Sure, the Reds won a World Series once in my life-time. And they were a tremendous team in the 1970's. They were also owned by a bat-shit crazy elderly woman whose long list of bizarre offenses I won't even mention on this blog. The Cubs also had an incompetent owner for a number of years, but I don't think he was crazy, just stupid about baseball.

In other words RHM, don't give none, won't get none. When the Reds actually compete again, feel free to lay down the smack. Until then, just thank your good graces that Adam Dunn is still a Red, since he is immensely talented.

I think I made a new friend. 🙂

Tonight bellyscratcher and I join up to discuss the finer points of game four of the World Series that might just see the Chicago White Sox sweep the Houston Astros.

We saw the Astros play all season, so it shouldn't be too much of a surprise to learn that they're not the best team in the land, but swept? In the World Series? I mean, when was the last time that happened?