Twitter trolls (I like to think of them as “twolls” for that Elmer Fudd ring) can be a serious annoyance. You’re going along, trying to contribute in a positive way to the Twitter-verse, and up pops some jackass who gets his jollies by poking you in the eye and seeing if you cry.

In light of recent events, the crack staff here at RHM thought it would be a good public service to offer some techniques for dealing with twolls.

For the sake of purely hypothetical argument, let’s say a twoll were to attack you with a tweet such as:

Now, you might reasonably want to beat the hell out of this guy, but telling him so just plays into the twoll’s desperate emotional need for validation. Ignoring the twoll is better, but it misses an opportunity to undercut the aggressiveness and establish yourself as dominant.

The best twitterers balance sarcasm (to show they have the wit to take you down) and self-deprecation (to show you’re not even important enough to use their wit on), but there are many techniques available. Here are a few for you to try:

The “I know you are, but what am I?” technique

The “it’s almost as bad as you said, but not quite” technique

The “yo’ mamma” technique

The “don’t talk to me about life” technique

The “redirection” technique

The “ironically focusing on the wrong clause” technique

OR

OR

The “misinterpreting a word” technique

The “damn straight” technique

Twolls are pathetic creatures, more worthy of pity than scorn. But just like grubs in your lawn or the Chicago Cubs, they still have to be dealt with. Go get ’em, tweeps!

Team	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	R	H	E
Reds (69-46)	0	0	0	0	2	1	0	0	0	3	6	0
Cubs (44-69)	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	4	0

Boxscore

Johnny Cueto won his 15th game Sunday, giving the Cincinnati Reds the series win over the Chicago Cubs and improving the Reds’ winning streak to 3.

Cueto pitched 8 innings of 3-hit, shutout ball. He walked 2 and struck out 3. Aroldis Chapman was brought in for the 9th to close the game out and succeeded in getting his 28th save. He allowed 1 hit and struck out 1.

The game was scoreless until the 5th, with Cubs rookie starter Brooks Raley matching Cueto’s excellent effort. With one out, Todd Frazier singled to left field. Then Jay Bruce stepped to the plate and broke his 0-13 slump with his 22nd home run.

Those two runs were more than the Reds needed with how well Cueto was dealing, but Ryan Ludwick added on another run in the 6th inning. With 2 outs, he homered to left field for his 21st of the season.

The Reds maintained their 4.5 game lead over the Pittsburgh Pirates, who also won. The St. Louis Cardinals lost and are now 7 games back.

The Reds have Monday off. On Tuesday, they start a home stand when the New York Mets come to town. Chris Young is scheduled to start against Mat Latos at 7:10pm EDT.

Team	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	R	H	E
Reds (67-46)	0	2	3	0	0	3	0	1	1	10	15	0
Cubs (44-67)	1	0	2	0	0	1	2	2	0	8	13	5

Boxscore

In a game that took 3 hours and 56 minutes to play, a game that saw the Chicago Cubs commit 5 errors and a game with 18 combined runs scored, the Cincinnati Reds won to snap their 5-game losing streak.

It was an ugly game.

Homer Bailey started and ended up going 5 2/3 innings before being pulled. He loaded the bases in the first with no outs–an important harbinger of the day to come–and allowed a run before finishing the inning. Still, the 4 runs on 9 hits and 2 walks that he allowed over that time were somehow enough to get him his career-high 10th win.

The wind at Wrigley Field was doing crazy things to the ball yesterday, which contributed to the high-scoring affair. Ryan Ludwick and Todd Frazier were the offensive heros, with Ludwick going 3-5 with a walk, 4 runs scored, and 2 RBI from the game’s only home run. Frazier drove in 4 and scored a run, and had himself a 3-4 day with a walk.

The real star of the game, though, was Aroldis Chapman. After two consecutive losses due to late leads given up by the bullpen, it looked like it was about to happen again.

Jonathan Broxton started the 8th inning, but was again completely ineffective. He allowed 2 runs and the 3-run lead that the Reds had fought so hard for was in danger of slipping away. A 6th loss in a row would have been hard to swallow. Manager Dusty Baker made the right call, though, and with 2 outs in the 8th, he brought in Chapman for the 4-out, 1-run save.

And Chapman did it. He struck out 3 of the 4 batters he faced, picking up his 26th save. He’s been amazing this year, and I was very happy to see him enter. It’s hard for the wind in Wrigley to do crazy things to the ball when the batters can’t put it in play.

Thanks to losses from both the Pirates and Cardinals, the Reds’ first win in a week increases their lead in the standings by a game. They try to make this winning thing a streak today when Bronson Arroyo takes on former Red Travis Wood at 4:05pm EDT.